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Sorry guys, but I've been a little depressed lately. Don't know if it's the holidays or just a bad couple weeks, but I've felt really down on myself lately.

My friends are largely ignoring me, they don't call, and if I call them, they're busy or some other excuse. Then there's the love life, or lack thereof. I haven't been on a date in almost a year, let alone had a relationship with anyone.

My grandparents don't understand me, and they never really have. I'm always hearing about the cars, and how they consume my life, and how I should concentrate more on school than the cars. This has happened ever since I've lived with them. They will never understand that this is what I like to do.

I had a very disturbing childhood in which I lost both parents by 18 (yes I've kept this under wraps for a while). My father died of old age when I was 16 (he was 71 when I was born) and how my mother died is so depressing I can't share it here...

Sometimes I think the cars are the only thing that gives me any happiness anymore. I hate the fact that I get so attached to material objects, but they seem to be the only things that understand me.

I hate to be so glum in what is supposed to be such a cheery time, but I really need to get some of this stuff out. So those of you that read this, thanks for your listening shoulder...

I'm not a big fan of the holidays either........just could care less

I think we've all got friends that play the ignoring game....I know I've got some....it really pisses me off some times.

Cars can be a nice outlet, but don't let them be your sole focus.....try going out and meeting some new people or something like that......I say that....but I know it can be harder then said.....

Keep your chin up man.

I hate the holidays. And all the commercials are of happy assholes buying each other Jaguars and diamond rings. Must be nice.

I can't say I know how you feel about everything, but I was clinically depressed for about six years. My cars are the only things that stopped me from killing someone or myself. Don't feel bad about the attachment to objects thing - sometimes they are much better than people as far as character and personality goes (no, I'm not joking). That book I sent you 2 chapters of is what pulled me out of the depression. It's heavily based on my life, so I think it was like I got all the shit out of my head. Well, maybe not all - I'm writing several sequels. Working on cars also is like having a purpose, too. Maybe its like women with babies - its something that needs you (who else would put so much time and money into old Subarus?).

If it makes you feel better, I haven't gotten laid in four years. And lots of people tell me I look like Keanu Reeves and women think I'm funny as hell. Maybe my standards are really high (my ex-fiance was a goddess), but the fact is that when I go on dates, I just think of driving as I can't find anything of greater interest about the woman I'm with. "So what did you do at work today?" "Nothing." "What do you like to do outside of work?" "Nothing." And people ask why I love cars so much?!

There's not much I can say to help, I guess, as cliched lines said by people who don't know real depression just make you want to punch them (well, me anyway). Hope this helps somehow, though, man. And, yeah, we're just a bunch of geeks you talk to on the internet about old cars that will likely never be second-glanced and certainly don't attract the ladies (Laurel excepted), but if you were close by I'd hang out with you and I doubt I speak alone.

Steve

I guess I'm different, I love the holidays, time off is so great, plus free stuff and lots of food. Yeah all the lameasses around talking about christmas spirit and all taht crap is gay but you gotta see the silver lining. I know how you feel though suby, and I gotta tell ya, you need to just go out sometime and do something new, or take a road trip or something. You might feel like a dork for talking to us and all that crap, but don't worry we all feel like that, and not everyone is ignoring you, look at us . If you love your cars spend more time with them, and if they are the only things keeping you happy just keep helping them out and fixing 'em until things change for the better. You seem like a good person so keep on truckin.

subyluvr2212,

I too lived with my grandparents for a while and it was smothering! Whilst I loved them very much, it's a very big generation gap.

The best advice I can give you is to focus on what you do well! Don't take your personal value from anyone else, have a realistic view of yourself. Once you stop trying to live to someone else's ideal then you become much happier.

Without going too much into the details, I'm 35, lived with my grandparents from age 16-18, lived with a partner from 18 to 22/23 (have a 14-year old daughter from this relationship which makes me feel VERY old...), then was single for 7 or so years until I met the woman who is now my wife.

During those single years I too was virtually solely into cars, probably to the complete boredom of my few friends but so what? We did talk about other stuff, and it was a friend who introduced my to my wife. I didn't have sex with anyone for the whole 7 years...

Man, it's your life - as long as you have something else you can talk about intelligently from time-to-time then you'll be AOK in the end. Enjoy the time, space and spare cash that you have to work on your car(s) because when you get married and have kids there's very little of any of those things!!

Chin up! We're here and we care even though we don't really know you.

For me, if you want just pm me and I'll be happy to 'talk' if you want.

Cheers

RobGT

subyluvr2212: I think you should head over to the SCCA website and find the autocross in your area. You'll enjoy the car more, be better prepared for unexpected events on the highway and the best part, meet up with people who have the same interest.

Subyluvr, I think we all probably go through periods of depression or at least I know I do. I have a wife, 2 kids and dog to keep me busy but I still get in a funk because of the lack of freedom to go and just hang with the guys and stuff. I know how it is having friends not call and stuff too. Most of my friends never call anymore to do things because most of the time I would never go. The thing is though that even if I can't go it's nice to get a phone call and get invited. Hearing that so-in-so had a party last weekend and how fun it was and no one bothered to tell me hurts sometimes. I know it's not intentenal though, they probably think it's worse to know and not go. You do have lots of friends here and we don't ignore you =) and I know personally I would like to meet you and everyone else here. I'm even thinking about trying to orginize a meet in 2004 and I know Florida is a long ways away but with enough warning and planning maybe you could make it. I think cipers idea is a great one too. I know I made new friends at the Shootout this last year and it was great fun. Sometimes I have a hard time motivating to try new things or even do things I think I'll like but try and force myself anyways and usually end up being suprised at how much fun I have. A good example was last years SCCA STPR in Wellsboro PA. It was raining something like an inch an hour the day of the rally and all my friends backed out of going. I was really bummed and almost didn't go but I sucked it up and drove up to Wellsboro by myself and stood in the pouring rain. I had a super good time, the rally was awesome and I won a $1,600 C.E.S. turbo-back exhaust! I know that the holidays used to get to me but now that I have kids it's fun all over again just because of the joy they feel. My daughter is so excited! I still hate going into debt for the next 6 months though Anyways I could ramble on for days just because I like to, hehe, but hang in there, stay strong, give Patti and Ginger some love and feel free to talk to me anytime =)

subyluvr2212 wrote:Then there's the love life, or lack thereof. I haven't been on a date in almost a year, let alone had a relationship with anyone.

A year!? lucky you...i don't even know how long its been for me!
I'm constantly getting shot down by girls when I go to parties.
Having met you in person twice now, I am far from "knowing" you. You seem to be a good guy and none of my friends have anything bad to say about you. you just have to wait.

Tom Petty wrote:The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you get one more yard
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

(and it's true)

you just have to get out there and advertise yourself, as ineffective as it may be (as in my case). And tell them that you have a Legacy... thats what i do. (wait...maybe thats why I don't get chicks) damn inappreciative conformist bastards. They dont see the beauty of a 14 year old car with 175,000 miles on it.

Legacy777 wrote:try going out and meeting some new people or something like that......I say that....but I know it can be harder then said.....

*cough* new years party *cough* apt. 2526..... You can crash there for the night... they don't care..... Who knows, you might just meet the one. As the cliche goes, "you never know." Come on up to G'ville! we'd be glad to have you!

Sorry if i killed the mood or something. sometimes i talk out of my ass (like now...you're probably like, "what the hell is he talking about?") I just like to think of the bright side and add a little comic relief... idk

Take it easy! there's a bright side to everything (you just have to find it)

Hope this helped, but don't know if it did...

Andrew

Okay, this is going to be long

I really do appreciate it guys. Even though I'm only staring at a computer screen, I definitely feel the compassion. I consider each and every one of you personal friends of mine, and I would do my best to make Matt's meet if he can do it. Some people ask me why I'm on this forum so much, and it's because I'd rather spend time talking to interesting people online than dense people in person

Speaking of dense people, yes Steve, I agree. My cars have way more personality than many actual people I meet. And yes, I agree that the cars seem to appeal to our protective instincts. I saw my XT in that eBay auction and I felt so sorry for it, suffering there on that used car lot. I still insist that if I hadn't gotten it, it would end up in a junkyard inside of 2 years... And yes, Steve, your book was a VERY good read. I relate to it very well. In fact, Steve, I'm sure the two of us would have a lot in common if we met in person...

Another thing I agree with you on: Don't ever get down on yourself because you have high standards with women. The last time I had sex was during halftime in the Super Bowl this year with some ugly-ass chick from work. She was a total slut who wanted me so bad I figured "why not?", and I hated her from the day I met her. That horrible fiasco has made me ashamed of myself ever since, and I vow to myself that I'll never make such a mistake again. I have had plenty of chances since then to do the same thing over again, and I've turned them down. The experience was a miserable one, but a valuable one at that.

The holidays: I have been brought up in a Christian household since my birth, and for that reason I do believe there is a God. However, since my mother's death, I have not been on too good of terms with Him. My religious affiliates at church and such have told me it's part of His plan, but I sometimes think He should have considered how much it would hurt me before He went through with it. Therefore, not only am I fed up with the commercialism of Christmas, I don't have much enthusiasm in celebrating it either.

Speaking of suicide, I've been down that road before, and here is how you interact with your family and friends while you're doubting the purpose of your life:

They treat you like garbage and beat the hell out of your psyche, and then when you can't take it anymore, you get to the point where you're ready to pull the plug, they start apologizing and trying to make things up to you. You believe they're sincere and get your hopes up, then once they notice this, they decide it's okay to treat you like shit again. Sound familiar, Steve?

THAWA: I don't really care if I'm a dork, I'm man enough to admit that I'm a legit human being with emotions. I absolutely despise guys that act so macho that they're impervious to feelings.

And I know that this place is mature enough to appreciate that. I knew better than to post this in NASIOC OT... I'd just get flamed silly there... in fact I just told NASIOC to kiss my ass yesterday.. not sure if I'm goin back...

ciper: I have been to a few autoX'es and I did go to the Tampa Subaru Challenge with the XT in October. Lots of fun, but my friend that came with me grew rather impatient and didn't want to meet too many people. Next year, I'll insist on staying longer and mingling with the other Subi people

Andrew: 1) You didn't kill the mood, I'm a little bit cheered up from reading all your responses
2) I might be up for the New Year's party! All the people I met were really cool, and crashing there overnight would be a fun time!
3) Your family's pretty cool too. I still am jealous that your parents and neighbors will let you and your brother keep 4 Scoobs in the yard

Okay, now that my fingers hurt , thanks a bunch again guys! Your hospitality does worlds for me. I wish I could meet more people like you guys locally

"NASIOC to kiss my ass yesterday"
I feel you.
The ONLY page I visit now is the search page. I dont waste time reading through all the crap, just finding the info I need

Hey subyluvr2212,

This is short, because I skimmed through your post quickly right before I was heading out, but from one christian brother to another, let me affirm you in saying that I don't think it is EVER God's plan that people should be hurt or go through hurt. I've been through my fair share, and I have friends that have been through crap that isn't worth repeating. You yourself have been through a lot, and I don't want to turn this into a christian forumn, I don't know if it is something that most people here would warm up to, so I'll just say keep your chin up and though God may seem distant, he didn't design the world for pain, although, much like you have to let a child learn from experience before they can learn a lesson, our world is reaping the consequences of our sinful choices, and unfortunately the actions can be far reaching at times. At least the story doesn't end in this world. I realize that christianity is not a welcomed topic to a lot of people, especialy on this topic so, hopefully no one is too offended by my post.

-Ryan

I absolutely and wholeheartedly agree with Ryan...

From (yet another) Christian brother who also doesn't want to turn this into some kind of religious slot but want you to know you certainly ain't alone out there!

Anyway, from someone who has just come in from a rainy cold night here in the UK living in Florida sounds like a pleasant place to be...

I have never been depressed, and I know that whatever I say will come out really stupid. That said, I went through a period where I had approximately 4 friends. 2 of which were trying to get into my pants, 1 I was dating, and the other halfway across the world, and it really does suck. Thats the only place that I can comiserate with you, but I think you're cool as hell and I'd hang with you any time if you werent on that god-forsaken east coast.

I'm normally a paranoid guy (when it comes to some things), but I'll send you the rest of the story if you're interested. It gets better (or worse) from there. In the end (of the series) its about a guy finding peace with the world and an exploration of what freedom is. Still don't know how everything ends with the third book as it parallels my own life which was an emotional mess from 20 to 25 (now 27). I've yet to find peace myself, but things have gotten much better. Hope they do for you. But try to remember that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger... Who knows - you may end up a superhero!

As for God, this former Christian is holding judgment to see how successful my book becomes (I promised to start a scholarship fund for rape survivors with anything over what I need to get a small house, my little nephew's future college education, and a couple cheap cars for myself). I guess this would require a movie deal. We'll see.

Damn I talk a lot about myself! Maybe that's my problem with broads!

Steve

the trick with women is to seem confident. seriously. when women think it's gonna be tricky to get you, they want you more.

My problem may be too much arrogance, I mean confidence...

For some reason its only the ones that I don't like that like me and vice versa. Mostly its that all the intelligent hot ones I meet are taken. Usually by losers or closet cases (come on, I'm not the only one to see this, right?). Married women love me, but I'm not into that - seeing someone, OK, screw that guy who's just in my way, but married isn't cool. The rest are either in awe of me or intimidated because i've done stuff and there's a hundred things I'm interested in while they've done nothing and have no interests. Of course, these are the ones I'm not interested in anyway. And now I'm looking out at Duchess parked in front of a six foot snow bank and...what was I talking about?

Steve

car>women everyday.

At least your car doesnt bitch that it's ass looks fat in those wheels, or get angry when you wanna go for a ride more than a few times a week.

My ex-fiance wanted a ride at least twice a day, my car's satisfied with one. Hm [head scratch], ok, I don't know if that makes the car better or not... That reminds me, I was thinking of writing a book: 101 ways a car is better than a woman (or significant other, I suppose).

Steve

do it!

Yeah they don't but they also don't laugh at your jokes, or tell you the things you like to hear, or wear short skirts with v-necks on a hot summer day I'd still take the car though, sooby treats me right

Cars also won't dump you unexpectedly without warning, and if you have some problems, you can definetly fix them, like my stupid power steering fluid leak. But if my car suddenly turned into a girl for a day, id sleep with her, I mean come on our cars are DAMN sexy

if my car turned into a girl for a day i wouldnt touch her. She smells like gas :\

if my car turned into a girl for a day, I wouldnt do her, she's got a big bum. and She's only 12

Nice to see my somber thread has turned into a fantasy-with-our-cars thread

If my car turned into a girl for a day, I'd pork her silly. But she's PMS'ing right now, and I don't do that kinda stuff

you guys are disturbing......laurel....it's even worse coming from you since you're a girl