legacycentral bbs

So, it has been a rough couple of months. I kind of mentioned in passing here and there that I lost my job at the end of March. It seemed like everything was going to be cool because the GF was going to help pay the bills until I got back on my feet. Then, mid-April she decides that we should break up and not live together anymore! Initially it is amicable, and she moves into the spare bedroom. She even said that I was her best freind and that she wanted to maintain the freindship through it all. We reached an agreement on how the rent would be taken care of and a transition plan. Then she went home to Montana for a week. When she got back she was ice-maiden. The next night, she went out all night and got drunk and didn't come home. She wouldn't tell me who she stayed with, but claimed she didn't hook up with the guy.

The next day, she decides that she has to move out immediately. By now she has morphed into super-bizzatch. She says that she needs to move out because she isn't getting over me and because she hates who she is being. She goes to stay on same said guy's couch. She says that part of why she is staying with him is because he is the only guy from ClubWrx who hasn't hit on her or asked her out. And that is the other thing, she suddenly decided she wanted to be part of the ClubWRX crew and is out with those guys every night. And I am expected to not show up at events because she needs her space and time to herself! Needless to say, I have just stayed away because it is uncomfortable. Anyways, she has been out of the house for a week.

Last night she drops the bomb on me. She tells me she is bailing on the rent and the lease and will have all of her stuff out by the end of the week. I am supposed to figure out the $1000 rent bill on my own. Furthermore, she has been lying about her relationship with this guy. It has been less than a month and she is already bedding down with some other guy. She says that she feels more in touch with him than anyone she has ever met and that he is her new best freind. She said the same thing about me 6 months ago. And furthermore, she has informed me that there is nothing for her to gain by continuing to pursue a freindship with me. Once she moves her stuff out, she intends to cut all contact. Unfortunately, but it is starting to look like I am going to have to sue her for the rent. I don't really want to do it, but I have a legal lease that she co-signed on, and I have spoken to an attorney who says I have a case. As soon as she lapses on rent on June 1, I can go to small claims court and file suit.

I have bit my tongue on all of the boards she frequents because I didn't want to be a d1ck and talk trash to her face. But I did need to get this crap off of my chest, so thanks for listening... Oh, and I do have some work pounding nails, but I don't know if I will be able to finish the Legacy conversion. I may have to start selling off my key performance parts for rent...

that's not cool of her, but women are psycho... seriously.


i'm sorry

That bitch. . . .

Damn matt, tht sucks, but it could always be worse. She obviously isn't very truthful or trusting. But you should be glad this happened now rather than a few years down the line. Dunno what positive to tell ya but that I feel for your problems.

Thanks guys (and one cool gal). Yes, I am thankful this happened now. The one true ting she has said in this whole breakup is that she needs to grow up and find some emotional maturity. Her most recent actions show me that she is just looking to run away from the life that she chose. And that she is just trying to fill some hole inisde of her with someone else instead of learning to love herself. That is the part that makes me sad for her. I think she is a pretty unhappy woman and I feel for her. In fact, I don't even want her back. I would just like to be able to be her freind and be there for her.
She goes from super-evil and cruel to crying like a baby at the snap of your fingers. But then what should I expect from a Gemini???

Matt......you're better off without her. My gf broke up with me 2 weeks ago.....says she needs to be alone right now.......after about a week.....and talking with people....dealing with it.....I took a step back and looked at things.....I'm soo much better not being with her. She too needs to do some serious growing up emotionally and has a lot of issues she needs to deal with....relationships and what she "thinks" is right for her.

She wants to still be friends, which I'm ok with.....however I've just taken a very indifferent approach with her right now. So....I feel you're pain.

Sorry to hear about the rent stuff though......that sucks.....if she's on the lease....she should be liable....you shouldn't have to sue her....should be the apt management.

She is on the lease. And it is a modular on the back lot of a ten acre hay farm with the owner on site. The reason I will need to sue her is that I am not going to break the lease and move out if I can possibly pull it off financially. If I break the lease, I become liable and still have to find a way to afford rent in a new place as well. I am going to pay the rent in full until I can find a roommate and hope I can reclaim whatever rent she stiffs me on in small claims court...

That does suck.

But like Thawa said, it could be worse, you could be on fire...

Or she could have removed your flesh piston

MK

bobbit style

You all have heard me complaining about being single for the longest time. But due to some stories I've heard similar to this, and realizing that I'm only 20, and got a whole bunch of stuff going on in my life right now, I started to realize that not only is being single okay, but probably better in my case.

I'm too young, quite independent if I may say so myself, and in all honesty, I really don't like seeing someone every single day, at least not now anyway.

Yeah I really need a good f*&k right now , but I don't think it's worth being tied down to get it.

What I don't understand is, how a woman can just up and leave a guy who has given himself to her, moved in with her and started a life with her, and really loves her. Do women have no consciences?? Don't they care that they're hurting someone when they do that?

subyluvr2212 wrote:I started to realize that not only is being single okay, but probably better in my case.

I'm glad you finally understand this

Matt, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that we are all powerless to change other people, places, and things.
I see a lot of people mentioning that she needs to grow up emotionally, deal with her issues, etc, etc. However, I think if you decide to do the same thing (i.e., use this time as a period of personal growth), you're gonna realize that this could quite possibly be a good thing for both of you -however it finally ends up.
I would reccomend being brutally honest with yourself, and do a lot of soul searching. I understand that your ex entered into a legally binding contract, but is taking her to court and sueing her really going to change anything? I'm no legal expert, but by the time you file all the paperwork and make whatever court appearences you're required to make, you'll still be minus the money you're trying to get outta your ex gf, and most likely going to have to wait for her to come up with it (which you can rest assured she's not going to be in any hurry to hand over to you). By which time, you'll still be behind in rent.
If you haven't already, I'd try to work something out with the landlord and explain the situation. If you're up front, honest and sincere, chances are good he'll work with you up to a point.
When I read your post, I was immediately sympathetic: my gf ( I don't even know wether to call her my ex:? ) just this past week apcked up and moved to Montana -I shit you not. She's preggers with my kid, and basically decided to leave "just because". Pretty freakin' shady imho.
Also, I used to live in N. Boulder, and if you can swinig a hammer, there's plenty of new construction all over, so with the weather clearing, it couldn't hurt to ask around job sites for laborer positions or whatever.
I guess my point is, is to use the time you have on your hands for yourself. Your ex is gonna do whatever she's gonna do, and at this point, it's none of your business anymore. Move on, stay healthy and take care of your side of the street. It might be in your best interests to avoid her and her friends altogether (if you're not already). If you have a lot of mutual friends, chances are good that they'll already know what's going on. If they're real friends, you won't have to worry about losing them because they hang out where she hangs out. More likely, they'll offer you plenty of support and reassurance.
Sometimes we fail to see the larger picture because of the pain, but if you give yourself a little bit of distance and gain some perspective, you'll see that this whole production was meant to teach you something.
Growth is alway's and without fail, painful. Pain is pain and I'm sure there's plenty of it all around (for you [/i]and her).
Just do the right thing man and everything will work itself out in the end.
Heh, six months from now, you'll probably have a better job than the one you lost, a new girlfriend (or piece of mind without one ) and you'll wonder what all the fuss was about. Have a little faith and, again, just do the right thing.

Hmm... I forgot to turn of italics... lol That last paragraph seems so much more dramatic now.

Women, can't live with them, and can't kill 'em.

Fuck her, she obviouslly doesnt care about your feelings, so dont even hesitate taking her to court.

Sorry to hear about this man, reading that just made me so angry.

Oh yea, I'd sue the living shit out of her too.

Subyluvr2212,
To answer your questions: She has her own issues and her choice of how to deal with them is to bail and run. She actually feels very very guilty for the situation she has created. This is part of why she has run away. The last few times I have seen her she has been too ashamed to even look me in the eye. It would be unfair to her, and to myself to suggest that she did any of these things with harming me in mind. While her choices have made me very angry right now, I don't cease to love her, but just know that I need to let her go her own way and get on with my life. She has cried herself to sleep every night for weeks. For her, right now, getting away from all of this is what she feels she needs to do to survive. I don't agree that it is the most healthy solution, but she has to try what she thinks is going to work for her. In short, her decisions have very little to do with me and have most everything to do with her...

Like I said at the beginning, I am feeling anger, betrayal and abandonment. But I am also able to see and understand where she is at, and show compassion for where she is at. I just need to do it from afar both for my own mental well being and because she just can't handle showing up in my life with how she feels right now. But she did call about an hour ago and say that she didn't want to lose my freindship and that she hoped I would still be there once she figured some things out. I told her that she knows where to find me when that time comes...

Same sort of thing happened to me with my ex years ago although at least there wasn't the rent issue. Its sad to see someone you care about unhappy and be powerless to stop it as they only make it worse on themselves.

My ex called me a month ago and apologized to me and thanked me for being so great with her and how important I am to her and that she thinks of me a lot. We hardly talk, but I finally felt good about everything and she's now doing OK. It's too bad it's too late for us, since she's married to a loser, but I never would've started writing and I'd probably be dragged down with a kid. Plus if we broke up with a kid in the middle, that would really suck, so I guess it sort of worked out in the end.

You sound like a good guy, why is it good guys and good women rarely seem to find each other at the right time?

Good luck, and I hope you can get by. I just ran out of unemployment and need to find a way to pay the rent myself.

And sue, if only to force her to be responsible.

Steve

Dude, I feel for ya. I was in a similar position a few years ago. I moved in with a long time GF in Aug, Her idea of course. Well, in late Sept I found out she had been cheating on my since July The cheating and the brake up was crappy, but I can deal with it. What sucked was that she didn't have the balls to end it before we moved in together. Well since she didn't end it in July when she started sleeping around, and now we found ourselves on a lease in a new town. I had friends that I could move in with, but she was a real beeeatch in retrospect and had no friends. So I moved out of the single bedroom apt we had and helped pay rent. She stayed until she could find someone to take the remainder of our lease so we didn't get violated by the Mgmt. Well, I found out a little bit later that she really wasn’t looking for anybody to take over the lease, and in fact picked up a room mate ( not the guy she was cheating on me with, but some other tool)…while I was still paying a portion of the rent. So I quit helping with rent promptly, and told her to F-off. I was determined to stay single after that, and it worked for about a year. I’d have to say that was one of the best years of my life. I had no idea how many girls liked me that didn't show it because they new I had a GF, aaah sympathy is good. I’ve got to be hypocritical though, and say that living with the GF is a bad idea…you just need the space….and it’s tough to get out of leases.