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Tonight, was an interesting moment in my life. It's never happened to me before, but it did. I was hoping it wouldn't, but it did.

I found out tonight, that during the best time I was with my ex, she was cheating on me. The told me she loved me, and she looked me in the eye when she said it. She lied to me, and betrayed me.

I found this out tonight and felt sick.

But it doesn't bother me. It was a horrific experience, after breaking up with her. I cried many a night, on the shoulder of some of the people who have become some amazing friends. Vikash and Matt, thanks guys. You made my life better by comforting me when I was down. It impacted me, for sure that it happened, but it's not hurting me. It doesn't hurt. Instead, I feel free.

Now, with this recent knowledge, I know that I need to stand on my own two feet. I thought I would be sick, but I'm actually happy.

I'm happy, that I am no longer in a relationship with someone like that. I feel free. I feel like a new man.

I'm happy, that when I thought about what she did, all I could think about was a really good friend of mine, singing to me. The words she sang, a song she wrote, was the most comforting thought in the world. The lessons I've learned, the things that have happened. My life is forever changed, and it's for the better.

I thought I would dread the news. I thought I would be torn up. I thought things would never be the same. I thought wrong.

I am not filled with the anger, pain, and anguish that I thought I would have been. I am not filled with regret, resentment, or any negativity. I feel like a stronger, better man because of it. It sounds weird, and believe me, I'm as shocked as anyone else. I think about her cheating on me, and I can't help but think about my friend singing to me. I can't help but think of my friends who have been there for me. I can't help but think of how greatful I am for everything I have and everything that I am.

I feel like a good person now. I don't know why, but I do. I feel like I'm entering a point in my life, where I am not as interested in fucking and getting my sexual energy freed. I feel like I am interested in a person first, and sex later.

This is a weird feeling, but it's amazing.

I feel like a new man. I feel like I've never felt before.

Thanks Matt and Vikash, for being true friends and helping me when I've been down.

In the words of that ADT commercial (I don't know if you guys have seen it), "I am finally able to relax!"

Today marks a new beginning. Today, I am a changed man. This is a good feeling.

I wish my ex the best of luck, with whoever she can settle down with in an honest relationship. I hope she finds happiness, and at one point, I was sad it wasn't with me. But now, I genuinely feel like she deserves to be happy.

That's all. I needed to get that out.

Oh man, that sucks Phil. I'm sorry. You have a great attitude going though and that is wonderful.

I know exactly how you feel. I've had the same thing happen where I found out that a girl I loved but wasn't dating anymore had been cheating during our relationship and yes, it's like being kicked in the nuts. You feel sick.

I've also had it where I found out that a girl I loved was cheating on me while we were still dating each other and trust me, that is much worse. It's like being kicked in the nuts and poked in the eye at the same time while being violated by your large cell mate named Bubba.

Anyways, I'm really sorry to hear that but I'm very happy with your positive attitude. Life is full of lessons and the fact that you can see that and take them to heart says a lot about you as a person Phil. Good for you.

If you do want to talk about anything just give me a ring or drop me an e-mail. I'm always here for you man.

That sucks Phil. I never understood why people would be so inconsiderate of others as to be treat them so unfairly. But it happens to most everyone so I guess it's par for the course. It happened to me once and it damaged my ability to trust women. In fact I still feel this way today a little. If you loved her I don't see how it couldn't affect you at all. I'd be willing to bet that you have other prospects so you'll be fine. I'd also be willing to bet that as time goes by it might start to hurt a little more. People go through stages of emotion. I'm not saying that you're in denial but think it through. There's nothing wrong with feeling hurt when someone treats you poorly. But I do understand how it feels good to get out of a deceptive relationship. Matter of fact I'd encourage you to work through it and let yourself feel however for a bit. Don't build a wall.

Oh and feel free to PM me if you like.

Thanks Matt, you've always been there for me . It isn't a great feeling, I must admit. But I do feel stronger because of it. I know that I don't want it to happen again, and I know what I need to look for in a woman to make sure it doesnt. I really should have seen this coming, so I guess that's probably why I don't feel so much hurt, as I do liberated. I remember telling Vikash that I couldn't help but feel like she had cheated on me. My suspicions are correct. I should have dumped her the second she got mad at me for going to the Feed and Speed, and when she got made at me for the Shootout.

Scott - This isn't the first time I have been cheated on (I sure can pick 'em, 'eh?). This is the first time I was in a more serious relationship and had been cheated on. At least my first girlfriend had the heart and cared about me enough, to break up with me before she started seeing the other guy. We broke up on good terms, it just wasn't working out.

I felt pretty wronged for a long time after breaking up with my ex. I felt manipulated and emotionally abused. I was really jacked up over it. I think that was totally healthy, and I learned a lot about myself and about her, and about what to do or not do next time.

It's not that this isn't affecting me. It is. But it's not affecting me in a negative way.

I sent her an Instant Message last night, telling her how I felt now. I told her that I wish her luck in finding true love and happiness. And I do. I hope she finds someone she can settle down with and be in an honest relationship with. I doubt it will happen anytime soon (she has cheated on every boyfriend she has ever had), but I hope she can grow up and make it happen. Everyone deserves it, and reguardless of what she did to me in the past, she deserves it too. That's what life is all about. Living in the moment, enjoying the ride. You can't take it with you, so do it now.

I am an emotional guy. It's just my nature. I have simply put to much effort into feeling bad and hurt and wondering "why me?" over this relationship. It's pretty emotionally draining. So I decided that I'm just gonna look at the good things that came from it. She cheated on me. We broke up (though, not because she cheated on me), and now, instead of dwelling on it, I'm exploring other areas of my life. I'm growing from it, and not letting it keep me down.

You are wise beyond your years, Phil. Either that or I'm still 13 years old emotionally. Sorry I didn't give you enough credit. I wish that I could have rebounded that easily when I was your age. Keep it up, you'll do well. At least you're rid of a girl who would have hurt you more later on. I guess that's why it pays to date a lot.



It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of Annabel Lee;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea:
But we loved with a love that was more than love---
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her high-born kinsmen came
And bore her away from be,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me---
Yes!---that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we---
Of many far wiser than we---
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee,
For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side,
Of my darling---my darling---my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.

Edit: Sorry, I had some errors in my first paragraph.

Wow, Phil. I wish you could have talked to me! I went thru the exact same thing. It hurts, you cry, you bitch, you whine, you piss, you moan, and then --well, you feel pretty good being finally free! It's one of the most sobering and starkly refreshing experiences ever.
Scott, is that YOUR song you sang? That's really intriguing, I'd love to hear the mp3.

I think it's a little easier when you can look down on someone after realizing that they were messed up, unworthy of you and you move on. When they stand up to all standards of character then it's harder to forget you lost them. Glad the bastardettes aren't keeping you down.

Steve

Science has proven that rejection is the equivelent to being punched in the gut. I'm not saying you went thru any sort of rejection but I can almost promise you that you had the same feeling when you found out.

I am sorry for your loss and I hope that you are adjusting well.

We broke up in December. She blamed everything on me, using the out that "just because you didn't know, doesn't make it right."

I was a fool for letting her do that to me.

Don't be sorry for my loss. It was liberating. I should have seen it coming though.

I wish, for her own sake, she would take responsibility of her actions.

91legacy_sleeper wrote:Wow, Phil. I wish you could have talked to me! I went thru the exact same thing. It hurts, you cry, you bitch, you whine, you piss, you moan, and then --well, you feel pretty good being finally free! It's one of the most sobering and starkly refreshing experiences ever.
Scott, is that YOUR song you sang? That's really intriguing, I'd love to hear the mp3.

Oh, sorry, I should have said that it's Edgar Allan Poe, Annabel Lee. I only posted it because it's probably one of the saddest lost love poems I could think of.

Scott - I knew that was familiar. Should've gottten that.

Steve

You're slippin' man.

I have his whole collection and one of the reasons my ex fell for me was an exerpt from one of his more optimistic pieces that I had painted on the glove box of the old wagon. I normally hate poetry, but his is dark enough for me to like, I guess. I also think his writing generally stands up well to age, unlike some 'classics' by Melville or Dickens and that other flowery-prose shit they make you read in school. nd they wonder why kids don't like to fucking read!

Steve

So... Are you gonna tell me what the passage was that you wrote on your glove box? Was it "Is all that we see or seem But a dream within a dream?". That's a good poem, tortured but good.

You should read Baudelaire. His stuff is dark too. It uses pretty obscure words but it gets the feel across. He also published a book that's a compilation of other authors' works, it's called "The Flowers of Evil." There's some pretty provacitive poems in there. I've always been primarily a poet. I have tons of stuff in that area.


Another Poe Poem - Dream within a dream

Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow-
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.

I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream

It was a story actually - Eleanora. IIRC, the quote was, "For there came from some far distant and unknown land into the gay court of the king I served, a maiden to whose beauty my whole recreant heart yielded at once - at whose footstool I bowed down without a struggle in the most ardent, the most abject worship of love."

Maybe I should've treated her like shit. Maybe then she would've stuck around .

Steve

Yeah, probably it seems that most women like to be treated poorly. What else could explain what the eyes see. If you treat them fairly, with love and concern they shit all over you and that sucks... unless you're into that but that's another thread. I've been dating this difficult woman recently and it's stagnating so maybe if I just act like a jerk she'll develop a longing for the memories of her unhappy childhood... or not. It doesn't really matter though because the way things sit now I could do without it.

Eh, the thing she loved about me and has admitted she doesn't have now is how much I loved her and how I treated her. One of the real reasons she left is my mood swings and negativity about how much other people suck ass and need to die. She has her own problems with mood swings and depression and I think the two of us together wore her down. I suppose I'd never have started writing again were it not for the break up and me wondering what if I'd gotten into some kind of criminal organization rather than stay around here and do ... whatever the fuck it is I do.

Steve

To be honest, I'm only half serious. While I might think it's true I wouldn't purposely treat a woman like dirt. I guess that means I'll be single forever.

It is getting ridiculous though. I'm sick of being free. I want to have to explain myself and validate my existence on a daily basis.

Damn man, that sucks, I've had that happen before. I was just glad I wasn't that into her.

I went through a realization very much like yours with my last ex, Phil. I had my suspicions, and they were ultimately confirmed long after we broke-up. I was initially very hurt, but then (as you have) realized that I if that's how things were in the relationship, that she didn't deserve me. Made things so much easier to get over.

I also wish her the best. . . she's apparently happier with the man she's with, now. . . and I hope that continues. Everyone deserves to be happy in the end.

Not everyone.

Steve

Steve you're the best

I too am a Poe fan, I've read a lot of his work. The Pit and the Pendulum is probably my fave.

A girl at work might as well kick me square in the nuts every single day. She's Chinese-Jamaican, she's 4'11", and she has a body that makes guys seriously go crazy (one of her ex's has her name tattooed on his ankle). She can be a real bitch, she can be cold and ambivalent towards anybody she pleases, but I know her well enough that I can see a really cool person underneath all that. She knows I want her, not only because I've told her, but because I do absolutely everything in the world for this girl. And while she says no (apparently my acts of kindness aren't enough for her), she still kinda tries to drop me a hint every once in a while. Whether she's playing hard-to-get or just fucking with my emotions (and my hormones) is beyond me. But there's one thing I do know... I can't get her off my mind...

Sorry you got burned Phil, but it's awesome you're not bummed out and can learn from it...

I just had to see my ex walk into her favorite restaurant with her new guy this afternoon as a friend and I were enjoying some mexican food across the street. I had this strange kind of panic attack, I think. My head kind spun, and I got all nervous and hot, and my heart was POUNDING. ..and then I realized something about her and I: We'll always be on the opposite sides of the street. I can remember how we always went to that restaurant every sunday, just like that day, before I escorted her off to school for the week.
But it's girls like that, with their histrionic personalities, and the whole afraid-to-be-alone syndrome of setting 'em up, and knocking 'em down two at a time just to fill the void daddy left, that guys go for, and are just one in a never-ending stream, only to be left on the other side of the street, just like me. (8 mile?)
There's a pretty good size of women like this, too. I hate to generalize/stereotype, but the next girl I let into my life is gonna be one that doesn't take to shopping as a first hobby, and has a MAX of three handbags/purses/carrying device. ..and they better not be no designer label BS, either. If it's Gucci, I'm gone.
Serious, the problems start with the salad plates and handbags, man..

My ex often says she gave me "5 good years, and we couldn't make it work"

Too bad we were married for 8. And the bad years were 1 at the start, and 2 at the end.

And no, this is not a joke. If you catch a b...ch cheating once, run away. It WILL happen again. If you are already moved on, count yourself lucky. It still hurts, but all the work is already done.

Subyluvr - Watch it man. That's how it started with me. The really hot girl, who pretends to be a bitch to everyone... but you. Who drops you little hints. I would watch out. If you knew about those warning signs, what I know now, you would watch out too. Just tread softly, and don't let her walk all over you. I have made that mistake, and learned from it.

Art - She's not back with him. He is really weak though, he KEEPS coming back to her. It's really hard to analyize the situation, because everything she ever said to me turned out to be a lie, so I can't really make any indepth views. I just know that now, she can't hurt me anymore. She tells me she wants to still be friends, and how she has dreams of us reminicing and shit, but I know it's all lies. She never admitted to me that she cheated. I found out through a friend. What kind of relationship is built with lies and deceit? Not one I want to be in.

I've spent the last two nights with my friend, and it's been great. We watched a movie last night, and ate pizza and fell asleep. Nothing but good times, and good feelings. No sex, no foreplay. Not even any sexual tension between us. It was awesome! She's the kind of girl that makes me feel good about myself. She makes me feel like I am worth more than my dick. That seems to be how I've been treated in every other relationship, that I'm a dick... with a person attached to it. Like they are putting up with me, just to get in my pants. I guess this is how women feel sometimes too. I am pretty sick of it, and would LOVE for that to be over. I've been told, to my face, that if I wasn't hot, the girl wouldn't be with me. That was a few relationships that have been that way (the one with Kathryn was one of them). It sucks.

But the only way I can go is up. This is a rising point in my life, and I'm catching the wave and enjoying the ride