legacycentral bbs

My Thanksgiving weekend proved to be oh so wonderful. My wife of just over ten years thru me out of my house and wants a divorce! Isn't that wonderful?!? We have 3 beautiful kids too and they're taking it pretty hard. Being away from my kids is what's killing me....

I'm staying with a friend that was good enough to take me in at least. Life was just starting to get on track for me finally and now this.

Oh man. I'm so sorry to hear that Matt. I know you've been working hard at getting things right in your life and things have been looking up.

I wish I had some helpful advice for you but unfortunately all I have right now is the generic hang in there man and maybe she'll calm down and you two can get things worked out.

Know that we're here for you though.

At least stay together for the kids, they deserve the stability of both parents under the same roof. Good luck, meng.

Shit, that really sucks. I don't have relationships because I don't deal with stuff like that very well. That sucks with the kids, too. The young ones can't understand it at all. I wish I had some magic words.

I disagree with Tristan, though. Staying together for the kids doesn't do anyone any favors. I was greatful when my mother finally got rid of my OCD, irresponsible, alcoholic father after 20 years and she said she had been staying with him for us. Yeah, thanks ma, we knew that and thought you were dumb for torturing yourself. You're not like that at all (the fact that your kids are upset is a sure indicator!), but my point is that kids know these things (or at least when they get older) and they want their parents to be happy even if there's a conflicting anger due to wanting things to remain as they were. I guess kids fear change, like most of us and the best thing to do is explain (as much as you can) to them the why and whatfor and that the future won't necessarily be bad. Take my opinion for what it is. I know I'm not a parent and don't particularly like kids, but I have two nephews upstairs and kids always seem to like me (like how cats always go to the person in the room that hates cats) so I guess I at least understand kids fairly well. Maybe it's just because I remember being one.

That's terrible news! I hope things work out in the end, one way or another.

I have to totally disagree with evolutionmovement...

My mom left my dad 9 yrs ago... She picked me up from school and said we were going on a trip... Without Daddy...

9 yrs later here I am, in Washington, we had left North Carolina.

And I havent spoken to my mom in 3yrs.

Staying together was the best thing she could have done. Especially since my Dad was/is a good father... Much better than my Psychotic, Personality Disodered, Deranged, Lunatic of a mother!

And those 9yrs have been ABSOLUTE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I switched schools 15 times from 1st to 7th Grade... Umm do you know what that does to a child? Fucks Them Up, That is What!

And I think Matt is good person and this should NEVER happen to the kids...

Sorry but this is first hand experience...

[/End Rant]

And I truly am sorry, I have only seen these things from a childs, pawn perspective...

Best Wishes,
Spencer

Dude, that sounds like you were kidnapped. That's a horrible situation! I'm referring to the much more mundane deal of two people living together that aren't happy with each other. The kids can feel that and they blame themselves (though I suppose they do that either way) but being together and constantly fighting or at best not communicating is awkward for everyone either way and bound to cause development of neurotic behavior in the kids. Then there's the inevitable manifestations of passive aggressive behavior between the couple that develops over time in such a situation or even the kids working the parents against each other. I always believe in honesty even if that means the bitch cries because, yes, she does look fat in that dress and I told her so. It's a tough situation no matter what.

Sorry for talking more in relation to my situation growing up - I'm just trying to offer some different perspective just to throw it out there. I doubt there's the animosity here that my parents had. I hope this is just one of those things that happen after years together and you can work through it. My grandparents were married almost 60 years and my grandmother had an affair that resulted in another kid. My grandfather lives with that kid today. Granted people stuck together more back then, but I guess it's possible to work through anything. Not sure I could do that myself, but whatever. I don't know what my point is anymore, I just feel bad about this whole thing for you.

Best of luck Matt and feel free to PM me if there's something I could do. Were I closer, you could definitely stay on my couch.

WTF DUDE!!?? I didn't know that she actually kicked you out of the house bro!! I thought on Sunday you leaving was just for the afternoon so things could cool down. You staying with Scott? You know if you ever need anything to get ahold of me Matt...

I'm so totally stunned at this moment. I really hope it does not end up in a divorce. That would totally suck to not have you a few houses away from me any longer. You are still welcome to use my garage any time bro. I know how relationship squables go, and it's never one sided, but at the same time you've always been a very cool guy. I've got your back anytime!

evolutionmovement wrote: I always believe in honesty even if that means the bitch cries because, yes, she does look fat in that dress and I told her so.

Awesome Statement.

Thanks for the kind words everyone.

Things are still crazy, I'm totally displaced but hopefully that will be changing soon. Scott (Tleg93) has taken me in and we're going to be roomies. Who knows, maybe some killer build will come out of this. Hehe

About my kids. My kids are the joy of my life and they have been subjected to my wife and I fighting like cats and dogs for years now. It is not healthy for them to have to endure it. My son (4 yrs old) has shown signs of aggression and my 9 yr old daughter had developed a very argumentative attitude towards her mother and I. We've been staying together for the kids for at least the last 4 years and it's just not working. We both are to blame, we just don't get a long. We have wonderful periods where we get a long great and then blam, it's WWIII. My wife is German Italian (more Italian then German) and has the temper of all tempers. She is a wonderful, kind, loving person......just not to me. She used to be, but we've developed to much anamosity (sp?) towards each other to sustain a healthy relationship. She explodes on me and I'm not the kind of person to sit and take someones bullshit. I will have my say and with her, my say doesn't count so, here in lies the problem.

Anyways, I do believe that in the long run it's for the best and do get to see my kids pretty much anytime I like ( at least for now).

My wife told me that the other day my daughter (the 9 yr old) said "mommy, I really miss daddy, I really miss him bad but I'm looking forward to a day where there's no fighting. Am I bad for saying that?". Damn, that got to me....

*sigh* I'll be thinking of you, Matt. I just hope things go smoothly if you decide to separate, though.

My parents are going through this right now. Granted, I'm not as young as your kids, but I hope I can provide some insight.

My parents fought for years and just recently it came to a head. My mom finally decided that we had to move out. My dad drinks so much alcohol it's obscene and then came home and was just a terrible person to me, my brother, and my mom. He's a horrible human being and we're suing the shit out of him (some of the problems also stem from the fact that instead of saving for college he was padding his retirement).

I'm of the firm belief that visual fighting between parents isn't good for children. I sleep much better at night and do better in the day knowing that once 5pm rolls around (the time my dad used to get home), I don't have to fear being yelled at or being threatened with violence.

My wife and I are back together!!!! We worked things out, I'm back in my house and we're getting along great. I recommend a 6 month break to everyone out there, it's like we just met and we're totally into each other again.

Happy ending I guess.

YEEAAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!!!! I've got a cool neighbor again!!!!! Of course we have limited play time together...

Good luck. Honestly

Just stumbled on this thread but it's great things are working out. Sometimes life just has a way of surprising you I guess.

one word:

COMMUNICATION.

Well the fact that Matt was allowed to go up to Wellsboro, PA for the Rally America event while Jenn had the kids spoke for itself! It was great to have him back again.

Never take a good neighbor for granted, ever!

Congratulations! i guess i missed this thread when it was new, but its nice to hear you guys (and gals) are back together.



If anything else does happen, just do everything you can to keep it away from the kids. It has a much larger impact than you think, you dont have the right to make them listen to that and believe me, when your parents are shouting at each other in their bedroom with the door closed, its the only thing they hear.
I lost a lot of respect for my mom before, during and after the divorce, i love her, but i dont think i will ever respect her or trust her.

If I was a betting man I'd wager you'll stay together -

Median age at first divorce:
Males: 30.5
Females: 29

Median duration of first marriages that end in divorce:
Males: 7.8 years
Females: 7.9 years

As of 2004 Pennsylvania has the third lowest divorce rate

Really, really glad to hear this Matt.

My view on relationships at this point in my life is very dismal, but to hear this is truly endearing.

Best of luck to your family!

quicklook wrote:one word:

COMMUNICATION.

Two Words:
SELL EVERYTHING!

Im sure you think everything is great now. But she kicked you out once, she's bound to do it again.

If you don't sell it now, you'll lose it later.

other than that, i wish you luck.
-Brian

Awesome, Matt! Sometimes I think bullshit gets in the way and it takes some time to sort it out and realize what's important. That's my ginger tea tag fortune for the day.

I've actually been hanging out with my ex a lot lately now that she's getting divorced. She's might be a stand in silhouette for one of my characters on the dedication page of the second novel. The wagon is in the first one.

TheSubaruJunkie wrote:

quicklook wrote:one word:

COMMUNICATION.

Two Words:
SELL EVERYTHING!

Im sure you think everything is great now. But she kicked you out once, she's bound to do it again.

If you don't sell it now, you'll lose it later.

other than that, i wish you luck.
-Brian

i do not agree.

it is not easy to have a relationship after a separation, but it can be done.

things that seem important at one time do not seem so important another time.

Ditto...

If Jenn took him back, then this will work out. Not being with the kids was killing Matt. He loves them dearly & if it wasn't for them, there likely wouldn't have been the effort put forward. They are back together and doing well. The biggest draw back was Matt's time spent working/modding the car & not having a car that was reliable. That alone put a large drain on their marrige. So no project vehicles, only reliable/drivable vehicles for now...