Friends don’t let friends buy Chinese
Posted: Sun May 31, 2009 6:46 am
Cliff notes: Be cautious of what parts you buy that were made in China.
Our story takes place in the bustling oil & gas metropolis that is Houston, TX. Our protagonist is a 1997 Subaru Impreza Outback Sport with a CV axle that has a torn boot. Said axle has been spewing grease all over the exhaust and in general has made a big mess. Replacement axles were purchased from the local auto store due to an unavailability of axles from http://www.cvaxles.com. The Outback’s driver, Josh said, “Sure, what could go wrong, new axles for $59.99. They’re new, they should be fine.” (That’s foreshadowing boys & girls)
The new axles were installed over the Memorial Day weekend with great fan fair about the thought of no longer smelling burning grease. Upon completion of the installation, and first drive, the Outback vibrated & shimmied with dissatisfaction for the new CV axles. After further driving Josh said, “What the fuck, this wasn’t here before, fucking piece of shit CV axles, they’re coming off!”
Tuesday rolls around, and a call is again placed to http://www.cvaxles.com. “Hello, do you have front axles for a 1997 Subaru Impreza.” The man on the other end replied “Let me check, hold on a second…….yes sir we do, that will be $55, they’ll go out today, and you should have them by the weekend.” To which Josh responded, “Great!”
The days creep by and Josh becomes more frustrated with the vibration and overall inferior craftsmanship of the CV axles which are currently installed. Oddly enough, the smell of burning grease persisted despite a thorough cleansing of the exhaust with brake cleaner. (Some more foreshadowing) “The weekend can only come too soon.” He thought.
Friday arrives and waiting at the Josh’s doorstep are two rebuilt CV axles. “Hooray…” he says, actually it was more like “Fuck yeah!” He changed clothes and started the disassembly and replacement of the substandard axles. Things are going like clockwork. The driver’s side axle is removed and the new axle installed. Now onto the passenger side axle. It comes out without too much of a fight. However upon further inspection, a brown runny grease like substance is all over the firewall and axle stub cap. “Oh crap!” said Josh. “I sure hope that is not the axle stub seal leaking.” Further investigation found the substance to not have the pungent odor of gear oil. “Could it be…” he said. “Nah it couldn’t be grease from the axle. It’s brand new….son of a bitch, it is! Mother fucker!” So the grease was once again cleaned from the various automotive components, and the rebuilt axle was installed without a problem.
“Now for a test drive.” Josh enthusiastically thought to himself. He brings the Impreza to life, backs out of the garage, and tears out the long driveway to the street. He looks both ways, and then stomps the accelerator. The Impreza grabs traction and comes to life as the RPM’s climb, drop, and then climb once more in second gear. Josh says to himself, “Wait, what’s that I feel….NOTHING, absolutely nothing!” (Two points for whoever knows this reference) The Impreza accelerated smoothly, and the axles performed as they were meant to, and did not cause the car to shake & vibrate like that hot chick’s 8” pink dildo from youporn.com.
“Now to take these craptastic axles back to the auto parts store.” said Josh. A short non-eventful drive takes the Outback to the auto parts store. Josh gets out of the car, and pulls the axles from the back of the cargo area. He shuts the rear gate, and walks towards the entrance. The automatic doors slide open. He walks to the counter and plops the axles down. The under qualified employee asks how he could help. Josh explained that he would like to return these axles, and that they were installed for less than a week, caused excess vibration, and one was already leaking grease. The counter jockey says, “Can I see your receipt?” Josh hands him the receipt. Just at that moment, the assistant manager walks by. Josh again explains to him the problem. The assistant manger exclaims that these are only replacement warranty, not refund. Josh enthusiastically says, “I don’t have time to play swap the CV axle until I get a good axle!” The assistant manager called over another individual. They looked at the axles and at each other as if they were apes looking at a shiny object from space which has fallen into their domain. The assistant manager states, “I can’t give you a refund without the manager’s approval. He will be in tomorrow around noon.” Josh said, “Thanks, I’ll be back tomorrow.”
Saturday’s sunny rays peek through the blinds. Josh open’s them and heads out to the garage. He decides to replace the spark plugs on the Impreza. He completes that work without too much fuss. “It’s getting close to noon” he thought. “I’ll eat something and head to the auto parts store.” For a second time a short non-eventful drive takes the Outback to the auto parts store. Josh enters the store. He stands in line while holding the axles waiting for an attendant. Of course only one is working the counter while what seems as droves of other attendants walk around. Finally, an individual whom appears to be the manager walks up to the counter and asks, “Who’s next?” Josh walks up to the counter. He again passionately explains the predicament. The manager looks over the receipt and stammers, “The warranty isn’t a refund.” He looks over the axles, and asks, “Where’s the axle nut? I can’t return it if it’s not in the condition it was in when I sold it to you.” Josh exclaims, “I don’t have it!” The manager again comments about the axle nut, to which Josh again replies, “I do not have them.” The manager kind of mumbles to himself and goes on with inputting the information into the computer. He scans the receipt and asks for the original credit card. The printer spits out a new receipt. The manager asks, “Please sign this, and this one also.” Josh signs the papers, grabs his copy, and heads towards the door while thinking to himself….”fucking piece of shit axles!”
Our story takes place in the bustling oil & gas metropolis that is Houston, TX. Our protagonist is a 1997 Subaru Impreza Outback Sport with a CV axle that has a torn boot. Said axle has been spewing grease all over the exhaust and in general has made a big mess. Replacement axles were purchased from the local auto store due to an unavailability of axles from http://www.cvaxles.com. The Outback’s driver, Josh said, “Sure, what could go wrong, new axles for $59.99. They’re new, they should be fine.” (That’s foreshadowing boys & girls)
The new axles were installed over the Memorial Day weekend with great fan fair about the thought of no longer smelling burning grease. Upon completion of the installation, and first drive, the Outback vibrated & shimmied with dissatisfaction for the new CV axles. After further driving Josh said, “What the fuck, this wasn’t here before, fucking piece of shit CV axles, they’re coming off!”
Tuesday rolls around, and a call is again placed to http://www.cvaxles.com. “Hello, do you have front axles for a 1997 Subaru Impreza.” The man on the other end replied “Let me check, hold on a second…….yes sir we do, that will be $55, they’ll go out today, and you should have them by the weekend.” To which Josh responded, “Great!”
The days creep by and Josh becomes more frustrated with the vibration and overall inferior craftsmanship of the CV axles which are currently installed. Oddly enough, the smell of burning grease persisted despite a thorough cleansing of the exhaust with brake cleaner. (Some more foreshadowing) “The weekend can only come too soon.” He thought.
Friday arrives and waiting at the Josh’s doorstep are two rebuilt CV axles. “Hooray…” he says, actually it was more like “Fuck yeah!” He changed clothes and started the disassembly and replacement of the substandard axles. Things are going like clockwork. The driver’s side axle is removed and the new axle installed. Now onto the passenger side axle. It comes out without too much of a fight. However upon further inspection, a brown runny grease like substance is all over the firewall and axle stub cap. “Oh crap!” said Josh. “I sure hope that is not the axle stub seal leaking.” Further investigation found the substance to not have the pungent odor of gear oil. “Could it be…” he said. “Nah it couldn’t be grease from the axle. It’s brand new….son of a bitch, it is! Mother fucker!” So the grease was once again cleaned from the various automotive components, and the rebuilt axle was installed without a problem.
“Now for a test drive.” Josh enthusiastically thought to himself. He brings the Impreza to life, backs out of the garage, and tears out the long driveway to the street. He looks both ways, and then stomps the accelerator. The Impreza grabs traction and comes to life as the RPM’s climb, drop, and then climb once more in second gear. Josh says to himself, “Wait, what’s that I feel….NOTHING, absolutely nothing!” (Two points for whoever knows this reference) The Impreza accelerated smoothly, and the axles performed as they were meant to, and did not cause the car to shake & vibrate like that hot chick’s 8” pink dildo from youporn.com.
“Now to take these craptastic axles back to the auto parts store.” said Josh. A short non-eventful drive takes the Outback to the auto parts store. Josh gets out of the car, and pulls the axles from the back of the cargo area. He shuts the rear gate, and walks towards the entrance. The automatic doors slide open. He walks to the counter and plops the axles down. The under qualified employee asks how he could help. Josh explained that he would like to return these axles, and that they were installed for less than a week, caused excess vibration, and one was already leaking grease. The counter jockey says, “Can I see your receipt?” Josh hands him the receipt. Just at that moment, the assistant manager walks by. Josh again explains to him the problem. The assistant manger exclaims that these are only replacement warranty, not refund. Josh enthusiastically says, “I don’t have time to play swap the CV axle until I get a good axle!” The assistant manager called over another individual. They looked at the axles and at each other as if they were apes looking at a shiny object from space which has fallen into their domain. The assistant manager states, “I can’t give you a refund without the manager’s approval. He will be in tomorrow around noon.” Josh said, “Thanks, I’ll be back tomorrow.”
Saturday’s sunny rays peek through the blinds. Josh open’s them and heads out to the garage. He decides to replace the spark plugs on the Impreza. He completes that work without too much fuss. “It’s getting close to noon” he thought. “I’ll eat something and head to the auto parts store.” For a second time a short non-eventful drive takes the Outback to the auto parts store. Josh enters the store. He stands in line while holding the axles waiting for an attendant. Of course only one is working the counter while what seems as droves of other attendants walk around. Finally, an individual whom appears to be the manager walks up to the counter and asks, “Who’s next?” Josh walks up to the counter. He again passionately explains the predicament. The manager looks over the receipt and stammers, “The warranty isn’t a refund.” He looks over the axles, and asks, “Where’s the axle nut? I can’t return it if it’s not in the condition it was in when I sold it to you.” Josh exclaims, “I don’t have it!” The manager again comments about the axle nut, to which Josh again replies, “I do not have them.” The manager kind of mumbles to himself and goes on with inputting the information into the computer. He scans the receipt and asks for the original credit card. The printer spits out a new receipt. The manager asks, “Please sign this, and this one also.” Josh signs the papers, grabs his copy, and heads towards the door while thinking to himself….”fucking piece of shit axles!”
