my world is falling all around me.

[azn2nr]

i have ADD
taking no meds its been getting worse
i talked my parents into remodeling the family resturant
now the projject seems imposibly large adn too much to take care of
ive over spent my bounds on my project car
my project car my not even work
i owe the government money this year
im failing 2 classes
ill be relagated to part time next semester
my gramps just died
i just quit my job
my new job doesnt start for another month in a half
my parents are begining to overspend their bounds
and i feel responsible
my mom's good firend died
he was the nicest person ive ever met
im spending money i promiced myself i would never touch
i want to throw up
my friends diched me tonight
when im relagated to part time at school ill loose touition suport form my parents adn will have to move out
i never thought id get this bad
and i cant bring myself to tell anyone
i cant sleep at night
i havent slept well for weeks
ive woke up with migraines every day this week
my best friend has a kid that might not be his
ive failed at everything ive tried this year
and it started in a rain storm
without fireworks
soaking wet
because i made a joke others couldnt comprehend
i was charged 75 dollars for diner tuesday night
i only signed for 14
the company wont help me resolve
and my bank does the same
i dream pipe dreams every day
the ones where the pipe smashes you over the head
i havent had a haircut in months
and put on 15 really un needed pounds
all of my family mocks me for it
old church people want me to teach the other members part time
i havent been to church in 6 months
i have to make a movie by the end of the month
and i have a term paper due next week
the one i got back today was nealry an F
because i didnt site my sources
because i didnt have any sources
i haven written a paper ive been proud of in 3 years
and writing is my strong suit
i wore shorts for the nice weather today
so natrualy it rained
i cant belive my life ended up like this
and i cant even accepct it
though i say it to you all here
i still dont belive it

[Redlined]

When one sees the past as the events that lead up to and created the present then one feels out of control. Like the hood ornament on a freight train.

The trueth is much more simple. The past is the result of decisions made in the present. You can at any moment make a decision, turn, and walk in a differant direction.

Basic Priciple of Taoism

You my friend. Need to decide where you want to be. What path needs to be taken to get there, and start walking.

Take control of your life. Dont let it control you. Life has a way of directing you.

You may not understand why things are the way they are now but later you will be able to look back across the chain of events in your life and see why it was needed.

[kidatari]

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

[legacy92ej22t]

Hang in there Jason. Things will work out. You're young still and even though everything seems dark, just shrug it off as learning experience and keep moving forward.

[evolutionmovement]

You have to make yourself what you want to be. It may take a while but never stop working towards it. Always put in your best wherever you are with an eye to where you want to be. If you're unable to put in your best it's probably not the place for you to be. Where should you be? That's the tough part, but start by being who you want to be so you can be proud of yourself wherever you are.

I hate to write this like self-help shit, which is why I went to a novelization for my books, but that's what's working for me. I have ADD also, but not as bad as some. I use it to my advantage.

About the restaurant design, maybe you're looking into the wrong suppliers (stuff's too expensive) or need to find substitutes? Look at everything and ask what else you can do with it. With my house I'm making a moveable wall for the back porch to have it as a convertible bedroom/public area, hiding a closet by replacing the door with a hinged rack for CDs and such that matches the furniture I'm redesigning completely (but without spending much) which saves me about $5k on a nice set I'd otherwise go for. I designed these slick low shelving units for my books and small design projects that will turn out much cheaper than I anticipated by tracking down different suppliers.

They have me on Celexa. It so far seems to be keeping my brain from attacking me.

[Imprezive]

I'd take Redlined's advice, you need to start taking control of your life. One day you will be able to look back and see how much you have progressed.

I guess you could cal this rock bottom, and from there you only have one way to go. UP

[azn2nr]

thanks for all the coments and sugestions guys. i slept a little better after venting last night but my school issues are seemingly out of reach. 2 weeks left of class and i only have a chance in one of the 2 that im failing and i have 2 more projects that still need starting in other classes.

i realized its a good thing that i quit my job. now i can go talk to some counselers about school and not feel guilty for missing work.

[206er]

my suggestions:
start excersizing
find a really good stress outlet that you enjoy
stop taking cars so serious. I was where you are last summer when I was working on my current engine, cars are such a double edged sword.

[entirelyturbo]

As everyone knows all too well, I used to be a pretty down-in-the-dumps guy too.

The only thing I can say is to stop wallowing in self-pity and actually change the things that you don't like.

I used to just sit around and bitch and moan about what was wrong with my life, and then I decided to make a few changes and things almost magically changed for the better. My solution was actually to almost overburden myself with work and school, and what that ended up doing was not giving me any time to sit around and think about how much stuff I was pissed off about, and it also made me feel a lot more productive.

As mean as it sounds, and please understand that I mean nothing harsh when I say this, but basically: quit bitching and moaning about it and do something. What you have to do may be different from what I needed to do, but you need to figure out what it is and do it.

I wish you good luck. I know you can do it.

[thefultonhow]

As I replied in the SLC thread on NASIOC, you might not have ADD. It might be depression. The only way to tell for sure is to get a phychiatric evaluation, but it really sounds from this message like you have depression.

My world was falling apart my freshman and sophomore years of high school (freshman year in December, sophomore year for basically the entire spring trimester). I couldn't do any schoolwork whatsoever -- could not concentrate at all -- and my grades suffered because of it (I got the two lowest GPAs of any of my terms in high school those terms). In hindsight, I was suffering from very bad depression.

A lot of people say, "Oh, I don't have depression, I don't feel depressed." Depression for me was not really apparent because I didn't "feel depresssed." But I had other symptoms -- lack of concentration, lack of motivation, change in sleep patterns and other habits, etc. -- and it sounds like you have very similar symptoms.

Don't take my word for it... you should definitely go get evaluated. But I'd place my bets on depression. Once I found a medication combination that worked for me, my depression went away almost completely and I started getting really good grades and being really happy about the way things were going.

[206er]

Ive been depressed for quite a while. Ive tried a variety of things, none really work. it gets real bad sometimes and I start thinking I'm bipolar. then I'll be happy as fuck for a week or so and things will be going real well. then one bad thing starts to happen, then another...

[thefultonhow]

Just a medicationn tip... if you haven't tried this yet, you should look into it. The combination that works best for me is an antidepressant and... hard to believe... an antipsychotic (the kind of med they give to schizophrenics). I'm not schizophrenic, but apparently there's quite a bit of clinical literature that says that antipsychotics combine well with antidepressants.

The combination I'm using is Wellbutrin 300 mg + Abilify 10 mg daily. It took probably about three or four years to come up with the right combination of meds and dosages, so don't give up. I tried Zoloft, Paxil, Lexipro, and Luvox on the antidepressant side, and Risperdal and Geodon on the antipsychotic side, and multiple dosages for each medication. You've just got to find something that will work for you, and with the number of different types of meds on the market, chances are you will eventually.

It's best to go to a psychiatrist and not your primary-care doctor for medication management, as psychiatrists have much more specialized knowledge of medications that could help.

[Manarius]

Ive been depressed for quite a while. Ive tried a variety of things, none really work. it gets real bad sometimes and I start thinking I'm bipolar. then I'll be happy as fuck for a week or so and things will be going real well. then one bad thing starts to happen, then another...

Welcome to the club. One week it goes well, next week you're in the shitter.

[jnorion]

One suggestion that usually helps... cut your losses where you can. If you don't really have a chance in one of your classes, stop going. The worst that can happen is you fail, which you said you're doing already. So focus your energy on something you might be able to save.

[skid542]

I'm a little late in the game I guess... but Jason, seriously brother, things could be a lot worse. I don't really have anything to say that others haven't already - work hard, keep your chin up, think positive, and life will work out.

But do keep in mind that the BBS always has your back and there are an awful lot of people around here that think pretty highly of you (including me).

And not only do we support you but a large number of us have had/are having issues with depression and so you are not alone on that front either.