Okay, so I took some photos of the difference. Granted, they're not precisely accurate to the micrometer, but it at least shows that there is indeed a problem.
I took a yardstick, propped it up against the metal flap sticking down from the frame, the one that the plastic splash shields hold onto, and measured to the absolute outer edge of the tire on each side. Assuming that the flaps on each side are the same distance from the wheel relative to each other, it appears that the driver's side wheel is sticking out approximately ½ inch farther from the chassis than the passenger wheel.
This is the passenger side wheel:
This is the driver side wheel:
Apparently I took the pics at slightly different angles, although I did the best I could to make them the same. You can slightly see the wheel in the driver's pic, and you can't in the passenger's pic, so the measurement looks more extreme than it is. I also tried to have the yardstick lined up right through the center of the wheel (that way, the slight camber difference wouldn't matter), but I see I didn't get that quite right either. I also see that I wasn't holding the camera at the same height each time either.
But... it still looks to me like the driver's wheel is out a ½ inch, or maybe a tiny bit less, farther out than the passenger wheel.
Why? Now that's a good question. As Hardy said, it could be the knuckle, it could be the strut, it could be the control arm. I dunno. I'll have to do some more measurements with the wheels off to find out.
So, I'm doing my best to keep my cool about this, even though it's one more god-damn fucking thing for me to have to deal with. I guess things simply can't go right with this car.