Aaron's Thread of Randomness

asc_up · Post by **asc_up** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 9:10 pm

20 Great Ways to Treat a Woman

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say, "could be better." This will keep her on her toes and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs, they love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say you better be. Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things (they usually mean the most). Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is for pussies and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "fuck you" and grab the other girl's ass. Girls love competition.

8. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

9. Warm her up when shes cold, but not by giving her your jacket; then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say, "If you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

10. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

11. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

12. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

13. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

14. Give her one of your t-shirts and make sure it has your smell on it. Not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about...

15. Titty twisters and plenty of them.

16. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

17. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

18. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just when ever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much, but I think it's funny.

19. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Don't call.

20. Next time you are having sex, make sure you get off before she does, then get off her and leave. Girls love that.

asc_up · Post by **asc_up** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 9:12 pm

I think number 9 beats them all.

Saskatoon Subaru · Post by **Saskatoon Subaru** » Tue Apr 01, 2008 10:44 pm

I like number 6

SubaruNation · Post by **SubaruNation** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 1:28 am

ha ha 18 is awesome!
good find!

klaxed · Post by **klaxed** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 5:20 am

Some of those are pretty rediculous. Like kicking the dog. I mean WTF!?!? But 19 is probably my fave.

jeffast · Post by **jeffast** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 6:33 am

i think 13 would actually be kind of funny

Redlined · Post by **Redlined** » Wed Apr 02, 2008 8:00 pm

Some of it I found funny. some of it, not so much. But it did remind me of an episode with my infamous Ex.

I come home from work and she is sitting on the couch crying.

Evidence shows that she has probably been at it for some time (big puffy bloodshot eyes, mascara <sp?> running down her cheeks, etc).

Being the concerned husband I ask her "Honey! Whats wrong?". She turns her face away from me as says *sniff* "Nothing".

( Now this is a woman who prided herself in always telling the truth, though misdirection and omission where not below her. Pure delusion as she lied all the damned time. But you didn't DARE accuse her of it)

So I shrugged and said "Oh, umm..... ok. Whats for dinner?" and walked into the kitchen.

At this point the dam burst.

SubaruNation · Post by **SubaruNation** » Thu Apr 03, 2008 4:43 am

thats women for ya!

Post by **Legacy777** » Thu Apr 03, 2008 6:41 pm

Yeah....After my gf moved out.....I really have been wondering in a general sense of the matter. Is the amount of psychotic BS guys put up with worth the minute or two of pleasure?

Depending on how old you are, what type of relationships you've had, etc. You will answer differently. For me...at least right now....I answer no, it's not worth it. I think it'd actually be cheaper to pay for sex then it would to have a gf....

I know....I'm speaking out of spite....but there's some truth to it.

SubaruNation · Post by **SubaruNation** » Thu Apr 03, 2008 7:26 pm

Legacy777 wrote:Yeah....After my gf moved out.....I really have been wondering in a general sense of the matter. Is the amount of psychotic BS guys put up with worth the minute or two of pleasure?

Depending on how old you are, what type of relationships you've had, etc. You will answer differently. For me...at least right now....I answer no, it's not worth it. I think it'd actually be cheaper to pay for sex then it would to have a gf....

I know....I'm speaking out of spite....but there's some truth to it.

there's alot of truth to it, don't kid yourself.

and

depending on who you are, could be less! ha ha i had to, i'm sorry

Richard · Post by **Richard** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 7:39 am

I wonder if they would mind me hanging this on the wall in my office at work.

smh0101 · Post by **smh0101** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 8:04 am

Wow... just wow...

Legacy777 wrote:Yeah....After my gf moved out.....I really have been wondering in a general sense of the matter. Is the amount of psychotic BS guys put up with worth the minute or two of pleasure?

LMAO...

Do yall remember the Dominos commercial where the dude orders pizza and walks out of the kitchen and says "We have 30 minutes." and kinda gives her the

And shes like "What are we gonna do for the other 28?"

I thoiught that was the best out of the whole series... T'was classic.

SubaruNation · Post by **SubaruNation** » Tue Apr 08, 2008 7:26 pm

ha ha yeah that commercial is sweet!

New92 · Post by **New92** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 12:56 am

I found it quite funny, taken in the spirit in which it was shared.

I personally hate the guessing game and absolutely refuse to play it. I am an upfront person and prefer that others interact with me in the same manner. My wife of 8 years, on the other hand, is a very indirect and non confrontational person (can you say oil and water?) so Im continually amazed by the fact that shes not left me yet. I do the same thing, if I ask whats wrong and she says nothing then I say "Oh good, cause I thought we were going to have to share our feelings or somthing."

Richard · Post by **Richard** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 5:26 am

I have the habit of being brutally honest. When my girlfriend asked what I thought about offering her HOT friend Jessica the second bedroom (my office) in our apartment to her to stay in for a couple weeks, I couldn't tell a lie. I replied "well, seeing she's extremely sexually frustrated, and hot, and I've already seen her boobs, and she just broke up with her boyfriend, I don't think it would be a good idea because I'm afraid I'd try to bone her, and that's not a good situation to put us in, seeing I've already cheated on you once. No offense." Yeah, I thought she would hit the roof. But no. She later told her friend, who then looked at me and asked, "how the hell could you say that?" I replied "I'm brutally honest, and it is the truth".

Once, when we had her friend Amanda over with her boyfriend to play one of those stupid couples board games, I got the question "When did you first realize that your partner was the one for you". I replied "I denounce the premise of this question". Everyone looked at me kinda funny. When asked why, I replied "Because the question assumes that I feel that you're the "one" for me, and I cannot answer to something that I do not feel, at least not at this time". We'd known each other for seven years at this point. There was silence for about ten seconds, until her friend said "WOW". We don't play those stupid games anymore when they're over. We have a Wii now.

SubaruNation · Post by **SubaruNation** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 6:50 am

that was a good story!

asc_up · Post by **asc_up** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 6:51 am

Wow. You, sir, have balls of steel.

I don't know if I could ever say that. If you were here I'd give you a hi-five. Ahaha.

Redlined · Post by **Redlined** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 5:50 pm

Legacy777 wrote: Depending on how old you are, what type of relationships you've had, etc. You will answer differently. For me...at least right now....I answer no, it's not worth it. I think it'd actually be cheaper to pay for sex then it would to have a gf....

But officer! I didn't pay her to have sex with me! I payed her to LEAVE AFTERWARDS!

SubaruNation · Post by **SubaruNation** » Fri Apr 11, 2008 8:14 pm

lol that's what they all say

beatersubi · Post by **beatersubi** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 6:24 am

Richard- Wouldn't it have been easier to simply say that the realizaion hadn't come yet?

Dynamic Entry · Post by **Dynamic Entry** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 10:41 am

Richard wrote:We don't play those stupid games anymore when they're over. We have a Wii now.

Holy shit man.

I don't actually "LOL" very much but this is hilarious.

I am sooooo not direct like that.

Ha.

Richard · Post by **Richard** » Sat Apr 12, 2008 6:08 pm

She understands me, and I understand her.

beatersubi - If I sugar-coat things and beat around the bush, my true feelings about something aren't understood.

I like to let it all out and deal with the real problem, not postpone the confrontation, and let feelings build and build until things boil over in a mess. I really don't like stupid board games, nor being put on the spot in front of other people who don't understand the bond my girl and I have. I don't like her friends question her choice in a man when she's perfectly happy with me, whether I'm in a good mood or not.

Recently, my girlfriend noticed that I was having a bad attitude with her for no obvious reason. When she finally confronted me with this, I told her that I was pissed off about not being able to tell her why I was pissed off. Understandably, she was confused. I told her that it was considered impolite to say what I had to say and I can't stand to make her cry. She finally promised to not cry and that she really wanted the truth, no matter what it was.

I told her that every time we visit her grandparents, I see old photos of her (about 4 or 5 years ago) and I miss how "thinner" she used to be. I said that her spending money on various exercise equipment just to use it for a week and let it collect dust afterwards pissed me off, especially seeing that she's been using my room to store some of it. I was mad that no matter how much encouragement and financial help I gave her while she dieted, she always pooped out halfway through and never reached her goal. And then I told her that it really, REALLY pissed me off to not be able to say what I felt because it would be considered impolite to do so, and make myself look like a mean asshole. I told her I hate being in a lose-lose situation, but I loved her very much and wanted to be able to help her if she ever needed me. I then told her that I was worried about her weight and health, especially because if anything ever did happen to her and I had to carry her to safety, I wouldn't be able to do so, or hurt myself in the process. How could I be a good husband if I couldn't save her life, or least be able to try? That's the kind of shit that scares me the most. I also took her bag of mini kit-kat bars and put them away, saying that they're not the answer to her problems. Actually, I threw them across the room towards the pantry.

Now, I will admit that she has always been "big boned", and probably will always be that way. But that doesn't really bother me as much as her lack of resolve when it comes to her goals. And the fact that I can't pick her up anymore. There's a difference between being big and being lazy with no self esteem, just letting things get worse and worse. She was a little chubby when we met, and I don't mind "a little extra", especially with the pair of juggs she has, but I don't like how she relapses and gets worse every time she wants to get better. And her gut is kinda gross.

But none of this should matter, in a perfect world. I love her to death and I always will, so her size and ambition shouldn't matter. Too bad we don't live in one, and never will. That's why I choose to say what I feel, not what other people want to hear.

BTW - the bag of kit-kat bars has not gotten any smaller, and the next time she sees her doctor she's going to ask if there's any problem with her using Hydroxy-cut along with a diet and exercise, or if there's anything else that would help her lose weight. And I promised to buy whatever the doc suggests, as long as it doesn't put her at risk. Salads have also been more frequent, and I don't mind them one bit. And my room is clean.

SubaruNation · Post by **SubaruNation** » Sun Apr 13, 2008 12:43 am

the stories don't stop

beatersubi · Post by **beatersubi** » Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:00 am

Man-boobs are hot. Chick-guts are not.

Good outlook, Richard.

SubaruNation · Post by **SubaruNation** » Wed Apr 16, 2008 1:09 am

ok i had to add this...

http://www.getyourselflaid.com/18/how-t ... er-period/
pretty much hilarious.

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Aaron's Thread of Randomness

Aaron's Thread of Randomness