oh the humanity!!!

[magicmike]

So I get home from breakfast at about 3:15, yes I know breakfast at 3:15? wtf, I get up late on the weekends and its the first meal of the day for me so yes its breakfast get off my back already with this breakfast after noon crap! ok where was I? oh so I get home and I pull up to my driveway and there is a squirrel in front of my driveway on its side in a pool of blood!? I was like WTF!? ok I'm what most of you would call a city boy. I did not spend my early childhood out shooting bambi on the weekends with my homosexual tendency suppressed father who found it necissary to drive a jacked up F-150 and go on a killing spree whenever he wasn't working OT at the ford plant stamping hoods in order to contain his love for men. I was born son of a watchmaker in meager means in little old east providence located in the smallest state in the union. So, put yourself in my metrosexual shoes for a moment and feel my horror to see by far the fattest well prepared for winter squirrel I have ever seen lying in front of my driveway with blunt head trama and bleeding about the mouth. Well luckily the poor creature had surcome to death by the 30 foot drop from the telepohone lines strung up above and was not in need of the "ethical" quick death by shovel to the head method. So, after looking at the poor thing for about 5 minutes, just long enough for the damn old ass bastard neighbors to go grab their camcorders do I commence operation "squirrel move" so i can get my car parked in the driveway and go about my afternoon masterbatory session. so, lacking the aformention shovel (I live in a condo) I proceed to pick this fat assed squirrel up by the tail....yes folks the tail. I gave it a little shimmy to make sure the tail would not rip out of its ass bone and then make the 40 foot walk to the back yard where there are woods and brush. I ever so delicately gave that poor overweight squirrel the best horseshoe toss I could to make him land in a small pile of leaves but with enough bounce to not get too deep in the leaves and have enough meat showing for the coyotees to feast upon that fattened carcass. Not being the religious type I did not say a prayor for the poor animal because such is life. One day your a squirrel just looking for a nut and the next you are lying dead on the ground leaving just your death alone as a reminder that even in death we all still need someone to take us by the tail and chuck us into a pile of leaves...

[atroby91]

it started with a LMFAO!!!! but ended with a; wow, deep man.

[93forestpearl]

I could be charged and convicted of grey squirrel genocide.

[evolutionmovement]

I've seen them fall almost 30 feet in my yard and jump up and run off (while under paintball barrage). That's grass, though. They're pretty rugged, clever creatures. Just the same, I prefer them out of the yard as they scare off the more interesting birds. Paintball gun works well as it scares the squirrels out of the yard for several weeks at a time.

[TrueBlue]

I gave it a little shimmy to make sure the tail would not rip out of its ass bone

L
O
L

[kimokalihi]

Paragraphs.

[ericem]

Awesome, but paragraphs +1. Around my house I have been finding alot of dead birds for some reason :S

[John Drivesabox]

You should put this on Craigslist so I can nominate it for "best of".

[magicmike]

You should put this on Craigslist so I can nominate it for "best of".

I thought about it. maybe i'll throw it on there tonight. as for the peole wanting proper paragraghing come on dudes I was 3 sheets to the wind when i wrote that...

[ericem]

Well you can fix it now maybe? I don't feel like it. I'm going to bed.

[555BCTurbo]

I commence operation "squirrel move" so i can get my car parked in the driveway and go about my afternoon masterbatory session.

[93forestpearl]

[Dynamic Entry]

I was 3 sheets to the wind when i wrote that...

really? I couldn't tell