So...my wife left me...for another woman.

[_Aramchek_]

What the hell?

Seriously.

[mike-tracy]

Wow, that's unexpected?

[evolutionmovement]

That sucks. Do you feel better or worse about it than if it were a man? From a somewhat relatable personal situation, if not quite the same, I can say I felt better than I would were it a dude (not that I felt good). Don't think that would be the case if I was a woman who's husband left me for another man, but I guess I have a double standard, even if I don't like it. That situation happened to a roommate's best friend's family who's father left. He hated gay people afterwards. For me, I've got no problem with gay people, but the closet ones that pull other people into their delusions because they can't face what they are piss me off. It's incredibly weak and selfish. I've got a friend who only seems attracted to closet gay guys and that will almost inevitably happen to her some day. Shit, that's just a bunch of rambling. Sorry for what happened.

[skid542]

I'm really sorry to hear that. I agree with the "what the hell", I mean, yeah, what the hell? Again, sorry to hear about it.

[entirelyturbo]

I don't know exactly what the timeframe was; I didn't find out about it until about 3 months later. But my ex-girlfriend essentially left me for another woman.

When I found out, I felt pretty lousy about it... it's certainly a blow to the ego. I can't say I was surprised though... she does drive a Subaru after all.

So yeah, from someone who knows all about it... I'm really sorry to hear about it.

I'm really getting where I just don't give a fuck anymore anyway. I was seeing a girl last month, everything was going good, then out of nowhere, she says she just wants to be friends. Haven't spoken to her since, and resumed working on other stuff.

That sounds cold and bitter, but I don't have time for bullshit. Having that same attitude is the best advice I can give.

Sent from my ADR6300 using Tapatalk

[_Aramchek_]

The only thing about it that feels better is that I don't feel like beating the hell out of a woman,so no murderous rage.



Otherwise,she's my wife,or was and it doesn't feel very good at all.

I don't want to care what the fuck happens anymore either,it doesn't go well for me.

Women are crazy.

She says she still loves me,but just doesn't want to be my wife.

I don't know if she's changed her mind because more words were said,but she didn't want to get divorced either.

At the expense of sounding weak or whatever,I am not taking this well.

[entirelyturbo]

Nothing wrong with that... you love her.

Implicit in my last post was the suggestion to keep your head about you. If you end up working it out and staying together... wonderful. But don't cater to any whimsical decisions. She needs to make up her mind of what she wants to do, and once she does, that's it. Don't put yourself through any more misery.

Anyway, the last thing I am is a relationship expert, so I'd highly recommend discussing all this with a marriage counselor, if she'll agree to it.

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[_Aramchek_]

I suggested counseling and a lot of other things,but she doesn't want anything to do with any of it.

It's over over,it started about two months ago and I've been trying to talk her in to working things out,but that's all done.

She's going to talk to me some today but then I guess that's it.

I can't not be in misery over it though,she was perfect for me in a way I'm pretty sure I'll never find again,and honestly I don't want to put myself out there for anyone in the same way ever again either.

[evolutionmovement]

Don't blame you. Well-meaning people who don't understand will say some meaningless, good-intentioned shit about there being plenty of fish in the sea, but what if you're not looking for fish? I've never met anyone like my ex and it's not even worth trying anymore. I look at most people like they're a different species. The attractive women are just good looking monkeys. I can't relate to their shallow lives, insignificant thoughts, boring plans in life, and overinflated sense of how interesting they are. I've found one woman since that I really feel a connection to and she's only attracted to guys everyone but her can see are gay guys who are living in a closet with the door wide open. There have been a couple other interesting women, but they seem to prefer being unhappy with douchebags because it's more comfortable. They won't tell me if it's because I'm unattractive to them, too challenging, a psycho, or they don't think they're good enough (that's not ego—I tend to find women with traumatic pasts to be attractive, and that tends to lead to low self-esteem). I understand now why some guys prefer prostitutes because, with the garbage there is to choose from, there's little difference anyway, and there's really nothing else of value to be gained from further interaction beyond sex. But I don't bother with that, because I'm not into bestiality. I'm a rogue elephant stuck in the monkey house, so I've adapted by finding stuff to keep me busy. Mostly, it's no big deal except when I think of what I had with her and realize that after 100 women met through dating services, websites, blind dates, bars, etc. there's absolutely nobody else I could possibly feel that way and have that with again whether it be a lack of interest on my part or hers. Sometimes I'm jealous of the Normals who meet and fall in love (if they really are capable of that feeling) with other cookie-cutter people all the time and I'd give up all my talents and creativity for it. Sometimes I don't think of it at all, but mostly I have a disdainful sense of superiority, which I don't like, but it's there. None of it helps loneliness, but that's, ironically, much better when I'm alone. Crowds are the worst. I always feel painfully alone when surrounded by Normals, which makes a Catch-22—there's no way to meet anyone only doing loner activities infrequently pursued by women or going to places off season and such, but my attitude in crowds also makes me highly unattractive. Then again, someone like me wouldn't be out in crowds of Normals, either. Where do people who don't like people go to meet? If I figure that one out, I'll find someone else and become a millionaire philanthropist.

[_Aramchek_]

That is pretty much how I feel,some differences,but yeah.

This may sound odd,but I wouldn't rule out that her and I may see each other again years down the road.

It's a long story I don't feel like telling.


But for now,I'm probably just going to put a lot of money in my car.

[evolutionmovement]

I waited 10 years for my ex to get her inevitable divorce and we seemed to be getting close. I finally stopped talking to her for my own sanity about a year ago. She started getting strangely hostile to me, trying to pick fights, because I think she was mad at me for not being what she needs me to be now since she has two kids and I don't like kids, especially boys. So I think she feels she had to settle for the guy she's with now (long story). It's an odd, odd situation, but then I'm probably an odd person, so it would figure.

[_Aramchek_]

I'll wait a year or two anyway.

My situation is pretty odd too,the whole meeting and marriage was,that's why I'll give it a few years.

Maybe it's just wishful thinking.

[dscoobydoo]

Maybe look at it in that she was trying to be someone she was not for you,and she finally could not do it anymore.
So it was not you or anything you did, but her.

A lot of people go through life not knowing what they want or how to be.

[_Aramchek_]

I'm not sure that she was being someone she isn't,but I think the fact that she's 11 years younger than me has something to do with it.

Based on some things she has said,she may come back eventually.

And for her,I would do what I wouldn't do for anyone else,and take her back if she does.

[LookAsubie]

Sorry to hear dude, just keep your head up and try not to go too crazy over it.

Hope everything works out for you.

[gijonas]

All i can say is that if you want another chance down the road,let her be.Its the best thing you can do, if you make yourself appear as a freak about it and let yourself get out of control you will regret it later when you realize things may have worked if you didnt.

[_Aramchek_]

That is probably good advice,difficult advice,but good.

She still talks to me though,a bit,so I have to try and be a bit..detached from my own feelings.

I don't like this one bit.

[Apex3]

That sucks, I'm sorry to hear.

It's difficult to explain my situation, but basically a girl I had a thing with, we weren't dating but we sorta were at the same time, and we were super close, as I said difficult to explain, ended up with a girl earlier this year. It's a really shitty feeling and crazy, and we weren't even bf/gf, I'd almost venture to say I'd rather her of ended up with a guy. I know it doesn't come close to comparing to the magnitude of it being your wife, or gf in derfahrer's case, but I kind of know the feeling still.

Best advice I can give is try not to think about it, don't think about what you might have done wrong, don't dwell on things, it will only make things worse. I know that's not really possible, but just trying will help. She'll likely end it with the girl at some point but don't sit around and wait for it.

[_Aramchek_]

I don't handle this shit well,and she's the only person I've ever actually loved.


It's getting more real,sinking in.

Wow,I need to find something to distract myself with,I have far too much spare time now.

[kimokalihi]

You do need something to take your mind off it. I can say from breakup experience (GF not wife) that it's virtually impossible to take your mind off of her (or him whatever) and you really don't want to do anything at all but sit around and wallow in self pity but being around friends helps even if you don't realize it. It's a hell of a lot better than being alone when you're in that situation.

Last serious relationship I had that ended left me miserably depressed for about 3 months. Whether or not you take it as hard as I do I don't know but it was tough. Good thing is I now know I can recover and was able to find happiness again afterwards. But if this relationship ends I know I'll be back in the same situation but I fear it'll be worse this time.

As pathetic, helpless and depressed as you may feel it does get better. Call up your friends. Hang out with them. Be around people. That's the best thing you can do for yourself.

Hope it gets better soon.

[evolutionmovement]

The main character in my books went west from the east coast and kept driving until he ran out of road in California. Through a series of serendipitous circumstances, he ended up as a transporter for a conspiratorial criminal organization (Evolution Movement) where the first book begins. He turns his sadness into anger, takes chances, looking for a distraction, not caring if he gets killed. It's all because of a break up. The first book was about me and my ex and how I contemplated just driving west and settling there myself, but as Dante more or less states in the first chapter in reference to people in Vegas—your problems always ride shotgun. The writing helps both as distraction and for working things out, especially looking back in reflection and noticing things I didn't realize the reason for putting in originally. Sometimes I don't know who leads in their personal growth—me or Dante.

[_Aramchek_]

Being around friends isn't much comfort.

I'm not a very social person anyway and it's obvious I'm angry and hurt at the moment,so it makes for some uncomfortable times.

Hahaha I have thought about just running off,and if my car were on the road and I had enough money to go any substantial distance.

As you said though,your troubles follow you wherever you go.

I can't outrun my thoughts and memories.

I'll survive,but really,it's going to be a while before I find anything too enjoyable.

[beatersubi]

Feel free to drop by and drown your sorrows w/ me anytime.

[Shaggy]

Damn man that's some pretty hardcore stuff. Obviously we don't know the whole story because we're not u man, but u can't dig urself into your own grave. Look at the positives in your life and try to ride it out and not dwell on the negative. I wish the best of luck to u and try to enjoy and make the best of the life that u are living right now man. U only have one life to live on this earth and that life is yours and yours only, only u can make the choices for yourself. Keep your head up bro

[_Aramchek_]

Thanks everyone.

You know the worst part?

My 91 SS is a wedding present and all my memories are of driving around with her in the passenger seat.

I may just keep the motor and get a newer legacy wagon and swap the motor in.