Why do the board members take everything I say as negative?

[ciper]

I really get confused sometimes. I can imagine that many times people misunderstand my intentions but never post something about it.

I wish I knew someone on the board personally so they could vouch for me. I dont think I know everything and Im often wrong. I often say "I dont know" or "can you show me" when I cant understand something.

In a post that got locked someone said "You don't speak for all of us ciper" so I responded with "Yeah I do. I asked someone and they said so already." To me its easy to tell that was a joke, do I have to add smileys for that to be clear?

I totally apreciate it when someone proves me wrong, because I can follow their advice for the next time the discussion comes up.

In the whole BBS I can only think of 2 people I dont like. Otherwise either I have neutral feelings or more common I enjoy when you post something (even if its opposite what I say).

It surprises me when Im asked to apologize or when everyone is mad at me. If you only knew me in real life you'd see I rarely have someone getting angry with me.

I feel betrayed by some of you. I dont have an EGO, I dont try to come across as a know it all.

I really feel bad right now.

[mTk]

Don't feel bad, everyone interprets everything differently, but yeah, smileys are helpful

MK

[ciper]

It seems that Im not able to share what I want to. I have to censor myself because people get angry.

More often now I refrain from posting because I dont want to give the impression that I know everything. There are many threads I could have contributed to yet held back.

[stant093]

blow it off, its all live and learn, ive recieved the same thing a time or two, i just dont post as often, if someone doesnt feel like my knowledge is worthwhile, then they dont get it...ive been working on subarus for about 10 years now, i started with the 84's for $75 a pop pounding them into the groung then fixing them to do it again, but sometimes i reply and feel like i get shunned, whatever, ill just read then if thats how it has to be
dont feel bad personally though, i read your posts and appreciate what ya have to input

[evolutionmovement]

Ciper, I think the problem is your blunt honesty. A lot of people take that the wrong way. I have the same problem, so I understand. I'm actually far more polite and pussy-footing on the internet than in person as it's tough to convey sarcasm or humor without the vocal intonation that usually gives it away when actually talking to someone. Then again, you can't please everyone, I guess. I stopped caring about 14 yrs. ago although I still don't like being disliked because I'm misunderstood... I want to be honestly disliked. I'm not sure if that makes sense. Forget it. I look forward to your posts.

Steve

[totech]

Ciper,

I gave been following your threads for over 2 years now.

You have my respect as being someone who is able to look at situations and come up with a solution, even if not the way "everyone else" does it.

You are always to the point, and sometimes blunt, but that is a good thing, too many people talk too much.

I am happy to learn from your experience, as I know it will work, instead of I heard someone who knows someone whose friend did it.

Please do not go away - I will miss the info..

[ciper]

Did I take it too seriously? Its a sensative topic for me.

One of my weakness is that when I enjoy something I sometimes do it excessivly (posting on the legacycentral bbs, fixing cars)
Another weakness is that Im bothered when people are mad at me unexpectedly, when I expect them to be angry sometimes I egg it on

Either way it sucks. I will always have to think in the back of my head of every way someone will misread my post.

[entirelyturbo]

ciper, you and I have had a few "discussions" in the past and I have not taken offense to one of them. I agree that it's hard to convey your true feeling by only typing words. Tones of voice are just as communicative of ideas as the words themselves are, and you don't have that convenience here.

I do agree with the use of smileys, that adds a facial expression to your discussion and shows people how you feel.

But don't sweat it. This place is starting to get big enough that people with conflicting ideas will butt heads occasionally.

[Matt Monson]

Ciper,
Even though I am one of the newer members around here, I absolutely appreciate our dialogue. You were one of the first people here to realize that ,while I was newb to this board, and not some newb to Subes and didn't talk down to me like some of the other members did (and a few still do). I find a fair bit of your communication to be pretty matter of fact and to the point. There is nothing wrong with that.

Three suggestions of things that work for me:
1. As mentioned in the "cheapest turbo for a '97" thread, I try and look at the question on the table and the needs of the thread starter. In my mind, they own the thread. So, I try and get outside of myself and look at what will work for them. I try and provide the base knowledge they are looking for. I used to have a horrible case of tech diarrahea of the mouth and would just spray everything on the subject at the thread. This can definitely be recieved as know it all. I am far from prefect in this, but I try to do it less and less.

2. In a debate about something that is not agreed upon, I try and make it clear to others that it is not about me winning the debate or being right. On and off over the years I have placed," I don't care who's right or wrong, I just want to know the right answer" in my signature. And above all don't make any personal remarks in these more heated threads. I speak from the "I" and leave out the "you"

3. Remember that someone taking issue with your confidence or level of knowledge is not always your fault. There are a lot of insecure people out there. And a lot of them get real defensive on the web as a result. When you see someone flustered by what you say, look back at it and see if you could be misinterpeted by someone who isn't so self sure. And something else I do, is even if I haven't been condescending or aggressive, I will sometimes apologize. Regardless of my intent, which was likely true, people don't always see that. So, I just explain, that I didn't mean it the way they read it and apologize. And if they can't get over it at that point, it is no longer your problem that they choose to sit on their pity pot and stew on it. And as mentioned above, I use a ton of smilies.

I hope I have offered some things that may help you in your internet travels. And of course, whatever I have said that you don't identitfy with or doesn't work for you, just discard it. I have no attatchment to the outcome and am just offering what works for me...

MM

[DLC]

I think i can speak for most of the members on the board, and moderators, in saying that we appreciate anyone who contributes to the community. You do more than your fair share, and the few times that you've crossed over "the line" we have tried to convey what we feel is the reason why we've been upset, or why others have been upset by something you've said.

If you understand this (and sometimes we have to do it more than once ) and realize that we're just trying to keep the environment of the board in a certain mindset, then it's all good. If you also realize that perhaps you're irking some people, and give it a second thought, then i believe you understand it.

This post means you get it.

We don't want you or anyone to leave, we do want you and everyone else to post information and opinion, but realize that in any community, some people don't think alike.

I, for one, didn't think this community would ever get large enough where this would become an issue, but i'm equally amazed and bewildered that it has. It's like a line has been crossed, that the board is legitimized as a community when people are at odds, but i think it will be a testament to us all if we can realize that not everyone is going to see eye to eye, and that's fine.

Had enough of my blabbering?

Dave

[georryan]

You know the hardest part about this kind of relationship and communication is that the most important parts are left out: voice inflection (which often times alone can make a mean comment funny, or visa-versa), body language, and all the other non-verbal communication whether it be facial expressions or what have you.

Yes your personal friends can vouch for you, and I don't doubt that. I love hearing your insight nad dialogue and see you as one of the more knowledgable people here. Without those previously mentioned levels of communication it is up to the reader to take it as best they interpret it, and sometimes depending on the tension or atmosphere of the conversation that can be taken falsely. Sometimes a smiley can totally change the way a person reads a post. It's unfortunate, but it can be really hard to view the meaning behind plain text. I bet there would be a lot less problems if we all used voice software instead of text. We'd just use answering maching like devices. haha

Even there you'd miss out on other levels of comminication to the point were you could still missinterpret something.

I think I've babbled enough. Hopefully you got my point.

Personally I'm glad your here, and tend to read your posts first. I hope I'll be able to meet up with you sometime and see this monster engine of yours. I know good things come from your area because I bought my car from a guy in SF.

-Ryan

[Gravija]

you've been really helpful to me, even though im really new to cars and driving even
i don't take any offense to what you post, blunt honesty is a good thing in my opinion.

btw, you don't seem to respond to my PMs but i understand if you're busy or whatnot

[THAWA]

I agree with whoever else said that it's your bluntness that seems rude. I wouldn't suggest adding smilies or trying to change your tone or any of that crap. If someone doesn't get you then so be it. If you try to go around pleasing everyone you will never please yourself. That's not to say that you should just cut loose and all that shit, but ya know. I too know that it sucks to be misunderstood, but I've learned to deal with it and learn that not everyone will agree/understand you. At anyrate, try not to get too upset over misconveyed feelings and words

[LegacyT]

Don't worry about it

Mark,

[Tleg93]

Bah, who cares? This place, to me, is a great place to come and discuss details about your automobile. Yeah, it can be unsettling when someone gives a sharp view of something with maybe a few pointed words. I think that overall you've been pretty fair. I don't recall you ever seriously losing your cool or really belittling anyone as happens in other message boards. So it's all good.

[LaureltheQueen]

I'm probably on his shit list. I am too, brutally honest in person, but have had so many misunderstandings over the internet, that I try to be careful about what I say, and almost always use smilies to help convey the point i'm trying to get across. I dont think I've ever been "offended" by a thing you've said, I've just spoken up for people who I could imagine would feel hurt by your posts.

[camshaftprelube]

I learned first hand that Ciper is very passionate about his love of Subarus (and many other cars, for that matter). That I can appreciate.

[legacy92ej22t]

Use smileys, problem solved.

[entirelyturbo]

Yes, but please!!! avoid doing things like this Too many smileys are just as bad as none at all

[legacy92ej22t]

[ciper]

I think from now on Ill try hard not to use any smileys, and just be known as the rude guy. Any regular members should realize there are no hard feelings.