Someone is going to get hurt

entirelyturbo · Post by **entirelyturbo** » Sat Sep 18, 2004 4:08 am

Upon leaving my job tonight, I walk up to my car to see that a fluid of some sort has been thrown across it. I drove home and got a paper towel and wiped as much of it off as I could. I couldn't tell what is was by looking at it, as my car is dirty and I was just wiping off dirt, but by smelling it, I'm about 90% positive that it's urine...

I'm almost completely sure I know who did it, there are a bunch of dickhead guys that I used to do the stock order with at night. They're the only ones at the dealership who know what I drive, and they're the only ones that leave everything they're doing to do God knows what (probably go have a mass orgy somewhere). I'm the employee shuttle driver, so I know who comes and goes. One could make the argument that it was just a bum, but why would a bum pass up a brand new Civic Si, a brand new Dodge Ram Hemi, several other newish cars, to go piss on a 14-year-old Legacy?

If I get a confession of who did this, I will probably go to jail for it, as there's a good chance I will paralyze them, if not kill them. I will take out all my aggression, all my anger, all my stress, out on that one person, because they fucked with the one thing I really love. I know the paint job is gone, I know that it didn't do any real damage. But the principle of doing something as degrading as pissing on my car, which they know means more to me than anything else in the world, when I did absolutely NOTHING to them... that angers me enough to kill someone...

This is a rant, yes, but I don't feel better now. I will find out who did it, and probably warn them, and then if they do it again, you all probably won't hear from me for a very long time.

AWD_addict · Post by **AWD_addict** » Sat Sep 18, 2004 5:14 am

I'd feel similarly if someone peed on my Legacy.
Maybe we could get license plate frames along these lines.

"Pee on my Subaru, send you to ICU"

evolutionmovement · Post by **evolutionmovement** » Sat Sep 18, 2004 6:14 am

Once again, I quote Pulp Fiction, "It'd ben worth them doing it just so I could've caught 'em."

I say save your shit and wear gloves, man. Cover their car like a German porn film. Best would be to find out where they live so it's less expected. If you don't know where they libve, follow them a few cars back, borrow another car if you can, and maybe (if possible) break off your follow a little further over a few days until you finally follow them the rest of the way. If you're really good, you can learn their schedule (provided they have a consistent one) and begin your follows from different spots along the route. Once you know it, shit-bomb 'em at 3AM on a weekday at your leasure ... I say wait a little, too. It may be over cautious, but that's how you don't get caught. Plus if you have them wrong, they won't know to go after you. Planting bugs in the shit would be a nice touch if you've the stomach. Pet supply stores sell them for reptiles. Another nice touch is the deer and fox urine that they sell in sports supply stores.

This is all theoretical novel-type shit. I, of course, wouldn't know anything about doing this for real and only provide this info for entertainment purposes.

Steve

Tleg93 · Post by **Tleg93** » Sat Sep 18, 2004 4:57 pm

I'm going to start calling you Machiavelli, man. That's some pretty sinister shit you're talking there. The great thing about it is that it's a creative articulation of things I know have entered my mind before. While I was working at Kellogg's there was this guy there who, one day, while I was eating lunch in the caff and watching a TV located above this chump's head, got the impression I was staring at him. He kept glowering at me and turning his head around. I never averted my eyes becuase, obviously, why should I. I was only watching TV above some demented jerks head. The next day my car was keyed, hmmm, I wonder who did that? I had those same thoughts. Not exactly the same mind you but similar. It sucks when people view you as a manager when, in fact, you're just staff. Oh well, just wanted to vent a little.

elkaboom · Post by **elkaboom** » Sat Sep 18, 2004 5:52 pm

hehe, the fox piss is a good idea...

Overall, I'd say just forget about it -why live with the anger and stress of it? By focusing so intently on the subject, you've totally given control of yourself to these guys -they now own you.
If they do it again, however, I would seriously consider getting even, but don't be in such a hurry to do so.
Take your time, study their habits, find out for sure who did what, etc, etc.
You know what they say: revenge is a dish best served cold!

evolutionmovement · Post by **evolutionmovement** » Sat Sep 18, 2004 7:31 pm

I agree with the taking your time. Of course don't focus on it as it gives them to much importance. Just list the revenge like any other trite thing you need to do: pick up some Q-tips, Excedrin, bread, save feces in jar, get gas, fuel filter ...

Steve

mTk · Post by **mTk** » Sat Sep 18, 2004 7:51 pm

hehe, i don't believe you would do much to them, not so much that you'd go to prison.

MK

BAC5.2 · Post by **BAC5.2** » Sun Sep 19, 2004 5:11 am

Eat a bunch of taco bell and exlax (despite popular belief, they are SLIGHTLY different) and take a big ole' dump all over the car (not on the hood, somewhere like the passenger side trunk. Somewhere that they wouldn't really see it until someone pointed it out).

Or you could leave them a nice, Chipotle induced, loaf right in the gas door.

entirelyturbo · Post by **entirelyturbo** » Sun Sep 19, 2004 5:34 am

To be honest, this isn't the first time. I saw something very similar on my car a few weeks before, splashed on the car in exactly the same manner, but I had something else on my mind so I forgot about it.

I'm washing my car tomorrow (not much point as the paint is gone

) but I will be watching my car much more closely in the parking lot, and anytime I take these particular guys over there, I'll note at what time it was and if I do find piss all over my car again, I'll see if the time frame allows them to perform such an act of childishness.

scottzg · Post by **scottzg** » Sun Sep 19, 2004 6:42 am

I think you should electrify the hood.

dzx · Post by **dzx** » Sun Sep 19, 2004 7:00 am

I too vote for electrifying the car, i was out hunting pheasants one time when my dog pissed on an electric fence, i felt bad, but it was kinda funny. Now if it was a human pissing on a car with a voltage running through it, i wouldn't feel bad at all.

greg donovan · Post by **greg donovan** » Sun Sep 19, 2004 7:26 am

some guys i know gathered up all the leaves from several yards around school and then waited for the first snowy day and buried the guys car in leaves. he had leaves stuck on the thing for months.

he retaliated by making severa hundred little 3" cut outs of the head of the guy who masterminded the "leafing" of his car. those heads were then put out all over school and were areond in odd places for years.

harmless yet fun.

vrg3 · Post by **vrg3** » Sun Sep 19, 2004 5:04 pm

Savages. I hate people sometimes. I guess it's like Steve says... there are two different species that we just lump together as "humanity."

Two sides of a coin:

- You should turn on the vent and blower motor briefly to check that none of it got down into the ventilation system through the cowl. If any did, you'll want to pull your evaporator core out and rinse it out. Or at least spray some of that deoderizer stuff down through the cowl.

- A foul-smelling liquid poured down into the ventilation system of a car is a bad situation. You might even be able to think of worse liquids than standard-concentration standard-diet urine.

scottzg · Post by **scottzg** » Sun Sep 19, 2004 5:32 pm

like concentrated asparagus urine!

vrg3 · Post by **vrg3** » Sun Sep 19, 2004 5:34 pm

Yes... Like... concentrated asparagus urine.

evolutionmovement · Post by **evolutionmovement** » Sun Sep 19, 2004 6:03 pm

Damn, I wish I some of the stuff that burped out of my toilet a few weeks ago.

No I don't.

I don't think I could ship it without a hazmat cert anyway.

Steve

entirelyturbo · Post by **entirelyturbo** » Sun Sep 19, 2004 6:56 pm

Hahahaha Steve

I've used my vent since then (kinda hafta without a/c

), no rank odors came out of it, so I think that's okay.

People that work at my dealership have the option of paying $20/mo to park at a nearby hotel. $20/mo does add up to a lot of money, but when my car gets painted, I think I'll have to do it.

Or there is a Public Storage right next door, I can rent a lot for $50/mo or something like that, park there when I'm at work, and then I'll have a place to put my EA82T project when I start it up

professor · Post by **professor** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 3:22 pm

My boss at my old job completely destroyed his Geo Metro by accidentally spilling an entire crock pot full of Vienna Sausages (hey, western PA, what do you expect). He and his wife were going to a party so equipped when he had to make emergency avoidance manuevers and the crockpot overturned in the hatchback area, soaking everything with foul, vienna-sausage steeping liquid, not to mention miniature random meat product.

The smell could not be conquered and the car was never the same. Good thing it was not a good car.

So, if foul liquids are what you are after, I must vote for the vienna sausage solution

vrg3 · Post by **vrg3** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 3:30 pm

Oh. You know what's the worst? The grease that runs off a Foreman grill after cooking a hamburger. If you keep it in a pot in a warm spot for a few weeks, it's the worst.

entirelyturbo · Post by **entirelyturbo** » Mon Sep 20, 2004 4:34 pm

Reminds me of the time I picked up the company lunch in the shuttle van on Saturday. We got Popeye's, with rice and beans and all that stuff. I didn't even take the corner into the dealership very fast, but the beans flew off the seat anyway and straight on the carpet. I actually hosed all the beans out of the van (made as much a mess outside as there was inside

) and just let the van sit wide open for the next couple hours. I went to go drive it again, and one employee that rode in it was so nauseated by the smell that was still there that he puked when he got to the parking lot

That van has since been recarpeted inside

dzx · Post by **dzx** » Wed Sep 22, 2004 12:55 am

George foreman grills are the best....

entirelyturbo · Post by **entirelyturbo** » Thu Jun 16, 2005 5:01 am

It doesn't end there I'm afraid...

I got into a little argument with some of the parts guys last night over something really stupid, and tonight I find a can of grape soda sitting on the windshield of the wagon with its contents all over the hood.

I have no proof that they did it, but damn if this isn't evidence.

I think I'm going to tell my manager. Either that or demolish the guy's face.

I'm not going to let this one slide. No sir.

-K- · Post by **-K-** » Thu Jun 16, 2005 7:14 am

I'd find where they live....... Don't fuck with his car it's too easy to know who would have a reason to do it.
Maybe find out about his GF/Wife's name then get a buddy (so he won't recognize your voice) to call his house and ask for her or hang up when he answers, just act funny.
Then find out where she works and let the air out of her tire. She will come home late with a flat that doesn't have a hole in it.
After a few weeks of the phone calls that would fuck him up.......

Or is there any way you could get them fired? Do something they will get blamed for?

snowboarded · Post by **snowboarded** » Thu Jun 16, 2005 2:08 pm

Here's what I did to a friend once. This stoped this practical joke war that we had going on for some time. It's a bit harsh, but no damage is done to the car from it.

What you need is;
1 tub of that marshmallow whip stuff
1 jar of peanut butter
1 package of saltines
1 jar of pure maple syrup (it is much stickier than regular syrup)
Some form of fecal matter human or dog

Here is what you do: Smear the peanut butter and marshmallow whip all over the windshield and windows. Then crush up the crackers and sprinkle all over the car. Then use the syrup to either finish it off, or to write a message over top of the marshmallow whip.
Now what you do with the poo is stick it underneath all of the door handles and in the fuel door and in the windshield wiper nozles.
(since i did it to a friend, i witheld on the poo)

And viola! Instant (5 minute) payback that will take him hours to clean off of his car.

legacy92ej22t · Post by **legacy92ej22t** » Thu Jun 16, 2005 2:13 pm

A pillow case full of old skateboard wheels will put an end to it too.

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Someone is going to get hurt

Someone is going to get hurt

speaking of foul liquids